While watching Erin Brockovich on my “night alone”, I heard her telling her boss Ed upon his judgement of her physical appearance, “I Think I Look Nice. And As Long As I Have One Ass Instead Of Two, I’ll Wear What I Like, If That’s Alright With You….Maybe You Should Re-Think Those Ties.” That dialogue just clicked wirth my sleeply self and I immediately picked up my laptop to write about the perceptions. Then I further realised why are we even thinking about men like Ed? Do they really matter that much? why don’t we think about women like us, amongst us, who I feel end up becoming their own worst enemies while judging so many of us! It is a such a serious topic to write, think and discuss among ourselves. Breeding our prejudices as women and criticising our own just so that we can be accepted at a particular, so-called desirable level in society; are we not digging our grave and constantly falling in the never-ending pit? I just wonder is it wrong to need self-affirmations and yet remain a feminist at heart? Am I creating a confusion or pushing towards chaos when I proclaim my love to look beautiful and I like when people appreciate that beauty? But just to calm the waters a little, I live when other see the beauty in me that I see in myself and what if they don’t. For that is the point where I want all of us to focus that what matters is we how we see ourselves. Others are just others in random! When I see the mirror covering a large part of my bedroom wall, I feel it is me. I feel beautiful however I am. I feel I might rough up some collars when I find my feminine power to have beauty, grace creativity, nurturing the warmth that is me being female. But that is just how I look at myself. Others may feel just the opposite. And that is okey too. There are many who are truthfully right in saying that women are still discriminated and disproportionally represented in our society at large, however my point here is not to negate them in any way or lessen their importance, for what they are saying is so true. My point is when they are suffering so many of such problems all around, then do we really need them and their likes to face another set of irrelevant and unimportant problems of self-negation and non-acceptance from their own sex? It may seem a trivial topic to discuss by many but if we are unable to discuss so-called smaller issues then how will we address and resolve the existing bigger ones? It is all about freedom to self-exist and co-exist and be able to do or not do what we want. Many of us may find great power in selective silence and just existing, but that need to be and I quote, ’self-selective’ and not obligatory. If we do not need the confirmations of beauty from others then we also do not need Backlash for not being the career driven, outgoing fighter. Why not let us explore our own individual corner and find strength in that. Won’t that be included in our individual fight of feminism? Just accepting who we are and accepting who other like us are as individuals is a big step taken in our journey towards understanding the focal points of feminism.
Feminism is no more just about beating the baton about difference and discrimination of men and women. It is more about our inner fight now. It is how we fight with ourselves, our insecurities, our views about our own gender. How we treat our own and ourselves as well. We need not be identified just for our traits for we are way above and beyond these pointers! We need to realise that it is as okey to be able to dress femininely and celebrate visual beauty, as it is fine to be all masculine in approach identifying more with emotional stability. With time these feminine and masculine words need to have an interchangeable acceptability for these were mere one of the traits used to demarcate not only between men and women but even among women. This myth that women dress beautifully to confirm to male standards, and dress masculine to barge in and compete with them needs to die sudden death. We need to realise that feminism does not need men in any way to proclaim its strength. They are no more in the racefor there is no need. They are welcome to have their own theories, debates, and research papers to discuss their own plight and conditions as well! We won’t and don’t to mix that with our point of focus. They are there to enlarge the world’s horizon physically and emotionally and have their own individuality but that it where their interference and presence should end. They are a separate entity, but we need to realise and accept in totality that so are we as indivisuals and as whole!
The only concepts we need to stay away from is pressure, force, and obligations. These are the words that involuntarily demarcate our own sex. We tend to demean each other keeping in focus our own prejudices about the other side. It’s a basic logic of harming our own with result being feminism to be typecast as a cliché terminology! While criticising each other for perhaps being too feminine, masculine, too career-oriented, too domestic, too dependent, too independent, and so much more, we are weakening our own and in return ourselves only. When we trash each other, we are benefitting only those who stand outside our circle ready to pounce and demean our efforts to rise above all. When Joe Freeman in 1976 wrote, “it is not done to expose disagreements or resolve differences. It is done to disparage and destroy.” This is well applicable in my idea of feminism as well. Instead of blaming our own and name calling within our own beliefs, what we need is to just come together, break down our own barriers and boundaries and accept! We need to fill our own gaps and level the bumps among our existence. How about we take the exclusivity from feminism and make it a common part of our being. The more inclusive we make, the more strength the concept of feminism will become! How about we really accept feminism and be there for women like us no matter how different they may be…