Random_thoughts – Page 2

Category: Random_thoughts

Not one to Mince Words!

November 11, 2021
by Sameera Khan Rehmani

I heard two simultaneous grumbles in my drawing room. I recognised one to be coming from me and when I looked up for the second sound, I saw that familiar sheepish grin from my 8-year-old! I told you he is always hungry, with or without me. Our eyes met and he giggled his sweet smile guiltily and I knew it was time to go for my everyday pilgrimage. My lovely kitchen, here I come! As my hunger pangs were pounding hard all the way from my stomach to my brain. I decided to listen to them for once. I was raking my brain toward how to quickly go in and come out of the kitchen and yet be able to satisfy both me and my hungry bird. Today like any other day I wanted something that is quick, healthy yet yummy for my son’s tummy for if he ends up eating it all, I knew I was my safest bet. I went towards my fridge with fingers crossed. I was hoping to see that one raw material that can help me churn out a mouth-watering quickie. Saw that small box of minced chicken in the freezer. The bulb suddenly lit up and my eyes darted towards lazily lying potatoes in my pantry. I picked 2 small ones and quickly peeled and cut them into small cubes. They were ready to be soaked in cold water. While I was warning my son away from playing his hand-hopscotch with them, I finely diced one small onion and kept aside two chopped ones as well. I added quick dash of sunflower oil and let it burn till smoke and aroma filled my nostrils awake.

In went diced onions and stirred away till golden-brown. Off went the potatoes along with them, red chilli powder, salt to taste, earthy turmeric and some coriander powder. I further added curd, and ginger-garlic paste to bring out that age old aroma that never fail to remind me on home. I added some water and stirred till all flavours became one. While my mum’s age-old spatula was doing its magic, in went that mince-meat along with chopped onions, some coriander and to green chillies roughly broken into two. On came the lid with gas on simmer for 10 mins or so. After 15 minutes as my safe side, I then opened the lid approximately and put the flame on high and dried the remaining water.

With his unique pitter-patter, the small excited feet below the growing legs of my son came running towards the kitchen. I knew I had picked up his curiosity. Seeing that toothy smile I knew I have won my case. The moment he picked up that sour bread at the far corner of kitchen counter, it was confirmed that he was ready to dive in my small effort to lure his experimental taste buds.That expression of pure glee and imaginative drool lines along his smiling lips is a strong give-away of his happiness and acceptance. He sniffed the air and unlike his obedient self very timidly brought his plate up the counter-top to peek into the simmering delight. Potato mince meat was ready for my baby potato! That is all that a mum needs…Sigh (my contentment breathed for myself)!

Opinion Shack

Can we Share: Logic and Rationality between Him, Her…

November 10, 2021November 10, 2021
by Sameera Khan Rehmani

When I see my naughty 8-year-old son crying over his shenanigans, lost toy or even a basic scolding, I consciously try to make him stop his obvious tantrums by not saying that ‘boys don’t cry’ or asking him questions like ‘are u a girl’. I do not want him to inculcate the idea of gender difference in his tender mind merely based on physical habits. I want him instead to build his strong emotional self. I don’t want him to be emotional weak (although there is nothing negative in being one too), but I don’t want him to compare himself by thinking that if there comes a moment in his life when he feels emotional or psychologically weak, then he is acting like another gender, in turn considering the particular gender to be weak in any form.

The moment a child is born, they get engulfed under the blanket of gender specifications resulting in unconscious stereotypes and difference in their individual roles. Right from the colour of their walls of nurseries to their colour and kind of toys they use, each aspect focuses on separating the genders. Their clothes, patterns, and even their names show the gender boundary they belong to! It goes to the extent where gender demarcation becomes the flag-bearer of respective cultures that need to be taken care of and protect to a greater degree. These most of the times carry on but the problem arise when these demarcations between genders become a subject of inequality resulting in serious issues of suppression of a particular gender by the other. The suppressive instincts in a way give rise to various obvious disparities kike gender stereotyping. These stereotypes get associated with respective genders and end up widening the gap of their recognition as an independent entity. This is where ideas of logic and emotions seep in that further divide the existing gaps between various genders whether male, female, trans or LGBTQ communities! They further have the capacity to hamper personal, professional, social, and emotional growth of each of them as individuals and as a specific community.

The stereotypes when emerge revolve around a major aspect of logic as well as emotions. In fact, Essentialists may believe that a particular gender has greater ability to project logic, analytical skills than the others who may be more emotional, nurturing, or emotional as part of their gender identification. These attributes end up becoming so integral to their identity that it becomes very difficult to break free and those who can rise above it are considered lucky few! These stereotypes have a great impact on the public and private lifestyle of these respective genders. They in their private outlook consider one gender to be below the other or weaker than themselves and categorise them to fall into the self-built category of nurturers, dependents, soft targets. However, in the public angle they make the other fall into the pit of limited physical capability having lesser monetary value. These need to be guarded by the other and need to be surrounded by rules and boundaries made for their so-called physical, emotional, and financial protection. Perhaps they have not been able to come out of the thought process that believes in the relevance and grave importance needed to develop and manage the already existing demarcations between the existing and emerging genders so that the ever-prevailing natural order can be preserved!

Perhaps when quotes like “Frailty, thy name is Woman!” became popular those were the times when the acceptance towards acceptance of breaking free was not acceptable and the idea of keeping the order and methos was so deeply engraved that gender demarcations were prevalent and accepted quite naturally. With the change in times and views the nature of understanding that there is a thin line between the difference in behavioural pattern in various genders came further out in open. The need of the hour is to understand, accept and enhance the change. There is great need to understand that in these times of physical and emotional turmoil, where each day, perhaps each moment people are realising their different identities; the concept of logic and rationality have long ago transcended the boundaries of gender disparities! To accept the similarities and differences between ‘him’, ‘her’, ‘them’, we need to absorb their need to coexist, and thrive in harmony and self-realisation. It needs to be clearly written and understood that difference in physical appearance and biological individualist capabilities must not be the deciding factors of create the boundaries between rationality and emotionality of various genders in and out of question.

Anyone can be fickle, imperfect, weak or frail. We are all humans. We all have our weak moments. It is necessary to not to generalise. We can very well share our rationality, emotions, logics among each other for there is so much of space for us all to co-exist. The idea of acceptability comes naturally to all and needs to have full freedom to have individuality along with the ability to borrow from each other for the mergence of stereotypes has the capability and power to bring a societal coherence and growth of mental capacity to accept all that exists!

Pantry Full of Love

Peeling away their Jackets!

November 2, 2021
by Sameera Khan Rehmani

As I woke up with my chronic toothache, I glared at the clock as if it was all its fault. Poor soul was only telling the truth of life, the time that I have missed while being in my dreamland. It was already way later for breakfast, and it was Saturday, our weekend! Craving for my iced coffee and angry with the world for having one, I realized it was only who must make it for myself. I dragged myself into my sanctity of sanity…my kitchen. While picking my beloved coffee jar, I realised I have an 8-year-old whose mission in life is to make me make something ‘delicious’ for him, every single hour of the day! Scratching the itch of my mental inability to comprehend anything before I have that caffeine shot, I saw them! Those irregular-sized potatoes were ready to roll towards their grave if I don’t happen to save them. All three of them seemed to be staring at me as if begging. They literally wanted me to drag them out of this trauma of shrivelling away in dark corner of that bucket! I decided to oblige them, simply because I was according to many I know and to most I don’t, a lazy mum trying to complete my humble duty to satisfy those universal maternal instincts.

Without any guilt on hand i grabbed them and pulled them out of their misery! With my iced coffee in one hand and them in another I tried to balance them just like I try to balance my ever-wavering life every day, I soaked their shrivelled skin in salt water for 10 mins. This was my last CPR to bring them back to life. As I closed my eyes in mental bliss after the first sip of my delicious cold-lame concoction of coffee, milk, and ice, I used my one hand to quickly pour 2 teaspoons full of olive oil in my deep pan (that was the health conscious me)! In went cumin seeds with curry leaves, along with pinch of asafoetida. With crackling sound in my ears humming like therapeutic rhythm, I put salt to taste, one green chilli (broken into two) and tip-full of turmeric. In went chopped and peeled potatoes. Then it was time for 3/4 cup of H2O and on came the lid. I put heat at its lowest, slowly building in warmth and comfort from this feeling of soon feeding the hungry mouth of my little birdie chirping with his mouth open in the background of my kitchen. He was being his usual impatient hungry self, but I am not complaining about I had the comfort of my iced coffee nestled in between my palms. W both are on our way to mutual truce after soon satisfying our individual cravings! I just let the dish simmer to its own dreams for around 10-12 minutes. Then like I do to myself every morning, I jolted it out of its trance by removing lid and putting the flame on high! It groaned, thickened, and sizzled to its full golden glory and today’s meditation reached its catharsis!

Since it was already past breakfast time as I let myself go on weekends. It’s all right to not be that every day early morning riser each day of our lives. We can forgive ourselves and each other occasionally and smile for just being able to be alive! Well, my version of potato worship reached its peak! With sonny boy calling and my tooth crying, it was time to do belly worship with simple steamed rice and home-made chilli pickle in toe…Happy brunching!

Pantry Full of Love

Wrapping it all up!

October 30, 2021October 31, 2021
by Sameera Khan Rehmani

After one stressful day and realising that there are many more to come, I dragged myself towards my kitchen, for I had to feed that small yet ever-hungry mouth. My baby bird with his hungry tummy was zooming around and being his never-ending energetic self. From the corners of my eyes, I could see him glaring at me with big hostile eyes, creating that uneasy feeling and aura of mom-guilt, all around the sofa! I ignored those piercing stares at my back. I got busy in my own internal tussle of what to make and what not to face. I had some leftover dough from the breakfast (for which I thanked my Stars!). The penny finally fell in my empty brain-wallet! I could feel my tastebuds smiling at my clever trail of thoughts that stated bursting with sudden idea. I quickly lit the burner and rolled this dough into small full moon shaped tortillas and tossed them on flame to cook in its bluish-yellow glory.

top, view, spinach, feta cheese, egg, wrapped, tortilla., sitting, blue, plate

Then fell a dollop of mayonnaise and my hands spread it far and wide with a spoon. I can literally blow hundreds of thankful kisses on the packet as it is one major mum life saver! I then spread the leftover cooked mince-meat of yesterday as liberally as tortillas could allow and rolled it up tightly. I can assure at that moment it felt as if I have got my never-completed PHD degree. As I picked those rolls in my Hand, I almost threw over my imaginary hat in celebration. I have done it – I have indeed done it! Those rolls are my baton of my success towards that invisible finished line that I am sure every mother in her parental shoes want to touch on every tiresome dinner time.

As I put this plate full of comforting delight in front of my 8-year-old, he looked grumpily at me, then sulked for the next five minute. He was still not out of his element just like any other unforgiving male species that we women come across in our everyday life. Very reluctantly he inspected the tortilla rolls as if he wanted me to know that he didn’t trust my fillings. Well, I ignored my hurt feeling for here I was celebrating my own culinary genius in my mind and there he was standing on the other side of the table ready to judge my expertise just like so many (an eye roll is a must here)! He gingerly sunk his teeth in it and closed his eyes. I could hear his small, tired yet contented voice. He simply said with a small grin, ” I love you Mumma”. Well, that is indeed a finale. My tiredness just vanished at that moment and all the tantrums shown, expressed, and said till the time dinner got ready was forgiven. Some small mercies of Leftovers. And this my dear friend is wrap of today!

Films

Are we really Accepting Feminism?

October 29, 2021October 29, 2021
by Sameera Khan Rehmani

While watching Erin Brockovich on my “night alone”, I heard her telling her boss Ed upon his judgement of her physical appearance, “I Think I Look Nice. And As Long As I Have One Ass Instead Of Two, I’ll Wear What I Like, If That’s Alright With You….Maybe You Should Re-Think Those Ties.” That dialogue just clicked wirth my sleeply self and I immediately picked up my laptop to write about the perceptions. Then I further realised why are we even thinking about men like Ed? Do they really matter that much? why don’t we think about women like us, amongst us, who I feel end up becoming their own worst enemies while judging so many of us! It is a such a serious topic to write, think and discuss among ourselves. Breeding our prejudices as women and criticising our own just so that we can be accepted at a particular, so-called desirable level in society; are we not digging our grave and constantly falling in the never-ending pit? I just wonder is it wrong to need self-affirmations and yet remain a feminist at heart? Am I creating a confusion or pushing towards chaos when I proclaim my love to look beautiful and I like when people appreciate that beauty? But just to calm the waters a little, I live when other see the beauty in me that I see in myself and what if they don’t. For that is the point where I want all of us to focus that what matters is we how we see ourselves. Others are just others in random! When I see the mirror covering a large part of my bedroom wall, I feel it is me. I feel beautiful however I am. I feel I might rough up some collars when I find my feminine power to have beauty, grace creativity, nurturing the warmth that is me being female. But that is just how I look at myself. Others may feel just the opposite. And that is okey too. There are many who are truthfully right in saying that women are still discriminated and disproportionally represented in our society at large, however my point here is not to negate them in any way or lessen their importance, for what they are saying is so true. My point is when they are suffering so many of such problems all around, then do we really need them and their likes to face another set of irrelevant and unimportant problems of self-negation and non-acceptance from their own sex? It may seem a trivial topic to discuss by many but if we are unable to discuss so-called smaller issues then how will we address and resolve the existing bigger ones? It is all about freedom to self-exist and co-exist and be able to do or not do what we want. Many of us may find great power in selective silence and just existing, but that need to be and I quote, ’self-selective’ and not obligatory. If we do not need the confirmations of beauty from others then we also do not need Backlash for not being the career driven, outgoing fighter. Why not let us explore our own individual corner and find strength in that. Won’t that be included in our individual fight of feminism? Just accepting who we are and accepting who other like us are as individuals is a big step taken in our journey towards understanding the focal points of feminism.

Feminism is no more just about beating the baton about difference and discrimination of men and women. It is more about our inner fight now. It is how we fight with ourselves, our insecurities, our views about our own gender. How we treat our own and ourselves as well. We need not be identified just for our traits for we are way above and beyond these pointers! We need to realise that it is as okey to be able to dress femininely and celebrate visual beauty, as it is fine to be all masculine in approach identifying more with emotional stability. With time these feminine and masculine words need to have an interchangeable acceptability for these were mere one of the traits used to demarcate not only between men and women but even among women. This myth that women dress beautifully to confirm to male standards, and dress masculine to barge in and compete with them needs to die sudden death. We need to realise that feminism does not need men in any way to proclaim its strength. They are no more in the racefor there is no need. They are welcome to have their own theories, debates, and research papers to discuss their own plight and conditions as well! We won’t and don’t to mix that with our point of focus. They are there to enlarge the world’s horizon physically and emotionally and have their own individuality but that it where their interference and presence should end. They are a separate entity, but we need to realise and accept in totality that so are we as indivisuals and as whole!

The only concepts we need to stay away from is pressure, force, and obligations. These are the words that involuntarily demarcate our own sex. We tend to demean each other keeping in focus our own prejudices about the other side. It’s a basic logic of harming our own with result being feminism to be typecast as a cliché terminology! While criticising each other for perhaps being too feminine, masculine, too career-oriented, too domestic, too dependent, too independent, and so much more, we are weakening our own and in return ourselves only. When we trash each other, we are benefitting only those who stand outside our circle ready to pounce and demean our efforts to rise above all. When Joe Freeman in 1976 wrote, “it is not done to expose disagreements or resolve differences. It is done to disparage and destroy.” This is well applicable in my idea of feminism as well. Instead of blaming our own and name calling within our own beliefs, what we need is to just come together, break down our own barriers and boundaries and accept! We need to fill our own gaps and level the bumps among our existence. How about we take the exclusivity from feminism and make it a common part of our being. The more inclusive we make, the more strength the concept of feminism will become! How about we really accept feminism and be there for women like us no matter how different they may be…

Opinion Shack

The wilderness of Woman’s Outer Side

October 25, 2021October 27, 2021
by Sameera Khan Rehmani

The other day I was having a coffee with my friend and we both were deep in our own thoughts. Despite being in each other’s company, it seemed were in our own little world that world was not looking happy! It was raining outside and in the darkness of that depressive sky I just blurted out, “I really cannot see out there. Like a barbed wire there are tough signs to stop from touching what I want. The darkness engulfs my vision. The fog across my balcony fighting its way in.” She stared at me and started pouring out herself, “I feel the same! sometimes I wonder does the same or similar emotions prevail in the other sex as well. If yes, what is the intensity or continuity of these depressive feeling among them in general?” While talking with each other I realised, the need to study the difference in level of depression among different genders is continuous since it helps in studying the behavioural pattern of both especially women.

sad, depression, anxiety, c, stress, depressed, pain, suicide, unhappy, mental — https://www.pxfuel.com/en/free-photo-xabkd

I am one among them, so the need to study its presence in females is more obvious to attain my own peace of mind! Depression can come at any stage irrespective of age. Some mood swings may be due to regular hormonal imbalances or changes, but they are accompanied by several other biological factors, genetic traits. Many times, lots of personal situations and issues also pave way for feelings of depression. In fact, almost more than 1 in 10 amongst us have these symptoms of depressions in one year and almost 1 in 8 receive medical aid and get dependent on antidepressants. This thought that came to me out of wild has a great necessity to be studied, I feel, or perhaps touched upon because it is believed in general that women experience it twice more then men. State of mind seem to be affecting them more compared to the physical health problems. I don’t know how far it is true but as I put myself in the position, I find it worth a try to focus on it! In fact, in 1970, the difference in gender related depression was first tapped upon by Myra Weissman. She put forward those females are the ones to experience depression twice as much as males. Despite these findings there is still relatively low stress put on this great topic of worry. W lay less stress on firstly the diagnosis of gender-specific depressiveness. Also, there is a very low chance that we focus our interest on the kind and state of symptoms of depression.

The graph moves from the age of being child till one grows up. This gender difference can be universal or can be cultural, socio-political, religion specific. Whatever may be the difference, we need to look for explanation for the pattern in which we see this depression throughout our lifespan as women. The unconsciously prevalent feeling of uncertainty, leading to vulnerability arise during the adolescence mostly. This is the stage where the gender difference mostly starts registering along with other age-related complexes that creep up. The constant stress, physical changes, hormonal, and neurodevelopmental variations that occur and many times elaborate further to bring about this feeling of depression among girls. This may at on time or the other may get triggered due to various physical, social, societal, cultural, familial factors and take the shape and name of ‘depression’ in grown up women. This then develops further and consistently stays as a major difference between genders throughout our lifespan.

For this an open-ended developmental method needs to be acquired, so that we can understand the pattern of difference and growth of the depression in both men and women, to understand the transitions in women. The difference in level of depression among different genders may also be a result of health conditions as well as various psychological turbulences that take their toll on us as women more for, we consider our conditions many times to have a greater and graver in their magnitude since the pressure to be that perfect, patient and adjusting self under any given circumstances closes around us from all possible sides.

Films

How do Films Relate with Women?

October 20, 2021October 21, 2021
by Sameera Khan Rehmani

As I was snoozing while watching Independence Day (1983), in my slumber my ears perked up on the dialogue between Nancy Morgan (Dianne Wiest) and Mary Ann Taylor (Kathleen Quinlan)! I addictively peeled my eyes open an Nancy Morgan said, “I feel tired all the time“. to this Mary Ann Taylor replied, ” it’s the Valium”. But Nancy said, “No. It’s a different sort of tired. It’s…um…inside my bones. And it’s real deep. Inside my bones.” My sleepy mind woke up enough to relate her condition to my current pace in life. I dozed off with the thought only to dream of the same. For me the dawn of today was like any other. With my tired being after last night’s slumber, I woke up after innumerable failed attempts of shutting off my phone alarm. I dragged my drooped soul towards my morning rituals and like a repetitive mechanism I did what all I had to do. While I was trying to tie the threads of my life with a monotonous coup of honey-lemon warm water, cradled in my hand, it suddenly dawned upon me, how many things I have been doing the same way, every day. They have been my ‘one thing’ that I do each time every 24 hours. The lukewarm darkness coated its pain upon me and once again and here I am writing about so many ‘one thing’ that we women do every day of our unique life given to us.

We wake up everyday with the baggage of responsibilities that we so-readily mistake to be our duty (the sense of duty has been so well-engraved in our x chromosomes even before we are born!) Work, home, kids, husband/partner/better half/another half and many more. For once there is weak-dying and dependent wish to do away with these titles, then we are awake again! Then we move ahead through the day checking the tick-boxes so that our stupid self-massaging ego gets satiated and those ever-so powerful so-called invisible others can open that ‘acceptability door’ that is almost like an ever-sucking suction hole that drains in it every possible ego from us. As we move forward there are droplets of smooth moments that if or when trickles towards us, have our utmost gratitude that we guise under the garb of gratification of being a woman and identifying it with our essence of existence. What we forget to ask is why we, why us? If women are categorised still as ‘weaker sex’ by quite a few according to the convenience, then why the double standards? It is as if we are bestowed upon with the title of carer, and someone who can do it all, at the same time our invisibly visible demons in various shapes and genders unconsciously or subconsciously are pulling us down to that rock bottom where the value of women is nothing more than that figment of imagination which totally downsizes their existence. According to “wise men” women are genetically made physically weak yet they are made in a way that they are emotionally strong. It is such a narcissistic declaration. We are being empowered by keeping a strict check on our list of do’s and don’ts! We are supporters for all the possible people who are in a different capacity than us provided we stay in our unimaginably complex boundaries drawn by so-called significant others.

Why not take ‘her’ out on a merry-go-round of our glamorised and idolized world of cinema that claims to give a panoramic canvas to the representation of women. Be it the role of mother, wife, lover, vamp, sister and many more, there is always a justification for her reserved representation. We see her in one role or the other in almost all the movies, still it feels that her representation is like just another projection of any minority. We applaud the strong roles that have come up today for her and feel so proud that at least those roles have strength to earn the moolah or critical acclaim at the box office. However, if we look deeper, we will realize that the underline bed of truth speaks the same old tone, maybe a little sugar-coated but still the same. The opportunities have increased but are there enough of them to give a justifiable representation? According to Judith Mayne in her article ‘feminist film theory and women at the movies’, pub. (1987), there is no easy fit between ‘real’ women and their cinematic representation. In fact, sometimes it does not fit only. This fit is what brings about the point of contradictions that hover over her reality. The line almost always blurs when we realise that what we see on the screen, the ideal or could-have been ideal woman is what we are wanting in our daily life. Someone who must fall under a certain parameter of societal acceptability. On screen, if a woman is been shown as a strong character that has human traits of being capable of negative personality of having a downward graph, then either she meets her negative end or she returns to her true hypothetical identity of goodness and purity. The yardstick is so fictional in itself that when women in real life look at ourselves or like our own, we start justifying our doings or otherwise we are considered the rebellious few with no real respect or self-worth on others’ or our own eyes!

Tired Woman Stock Illustrations – 12,216 Tired Woman Stock Illustrations, Vectors & Clipart - Dreamstime

The concepts of morality, duty, happiness, selflessness, and everything that is respectful according to the social norms and constructs, has a concentration of muddy puddle in the core of their construction. The never-ending expectations and trickling down of women empowerment as charity to her, need to be realised that it is not something that is or should be given to her, even as support. The right to own her own being is like her skin that ha its own blemishes and scars. She should be proud of herself as a separate entity and must be alright if and when she does not confirm to the rules of society because in the end it is ok to be wrong, it is ok to flunk, it is ok to not just care and keep on giving and giving. It is perfect to not feel the guilt of being that idolised perfection of figment of human reality. It is ok to be a mere human.