Opinion Shack – Page 2

Category: <span>Opinion Shack</span>

‘We’ for Valentine: Patterns within our Kaleidoscope

February 14, 2022February 14, 2022
by Sameera Khan Rehmani

As February dances to its love tune for obvious reasons, have you ever wondered what color and shape is your heart taking this Valentine? Is it the heart that is crimson for you or is there space for other palettes and patterns to take over? Almost like a game of cards with different shapes speaking for themselves, can we allow ourselves to think differently? At its peak, Greek society painted its culture with the colors of comedy and tragedy. Catharsis or not, the impression has been deeply ingrained through generations of audiences from The Odeon to The Globe of Shakespeare to continuously evolving modern means of storytelling. People continue to fall in love overcoming barriers of ethnicity, color, race, religion, class, language, or gender. The structure of that love may have shifted over time, but the roots have remained firm. Across films, music, art, literature, or poetry, the sense of affection has floated with blurred boundaries, but the palettes and designs of love differ with time, but emotions have adamantly stood the test of time.

Humming to Sting’s Shape of my heart (where he compared these shapes with separate identifications), are we ready to put a name to those individual shapes that carry our emotions? What if Cinderella’s masquerade did not wait for the clock to strike at 12? Would she still have got her prince charming? Perhaps if Snow White had not eaten the round red apple, her heart would not have experienced that eternal kiss of life! When we connect romance with the heart, we forget that its hypothetical shape is a mere figment of our imagination. Sorry to burst the bubble! Despite the knowledge, the innumerable amount of content that we see, hear or read, relates to that picture-perfect ‘heart’ shape. There are so many of us who believe in love in different forms. The existence of this one shape of the heart seems to be uniform to all of us. Most of us wear a mask that incessantly identifies with our existing view, constantly suppressing the inner voice questioning its weird, cliched existence. Perhaps we fear the potential loss of human emotions that may end up unfolding the reality.

This Valentine when you think of experiencing or reconfirming your thoughts about emotions, don’t ignore the ones that run wild. All shapes and forms of love in and around us need our focused thoughts. Let them act as lightning bolts, spread like wildfire, and enable us to think out of the box! The game that humans play with each other whether romantically, personally, emotionally is as risky as that game of cards. A spade is not just a spade it acts as a sharp weapon for soldiers unwittingly trapped in the battle of hearts. This Valentine, we can experience ‘clubs’ or we can buy ‘diamonds’, the cards on their own don’t have a value. While it has been associated with decadence, we should not undermine the kind of effect monetary independence brings. As we progress in this claimed month for love and tenderness, friendships, and happiness, connect and progress, we must try to understand the importance of understanding that shape. The size of our emotions does not matter. What matters is that we play the game with patience and fairness for the stakes are always high!

While it is now being argued that the mind is flat, there is still scope for acceptance of some ideas of thinking developed through studies of the mind over the past century. The geometry that surrounds different shapes reveals their intended inferences. For instance, shapes like squares and rectangles bring a sense of stability, balance, structure while circular shapes tend to bring about the concept of wholeness, self, timeliness, and completion. Then there is a triangle that even inputs its emotions to emerge with ideas of enlightenment, revelation, brightness surrounding ourselves. It’s heartening to see that the world is moving towards an acknowledgment of the individuality and uniqueness around us. The enforcement of uniform color, shape, and type is not justified when we start attaching emotions with them. These angles of possibility can be surrounded by stereotypical ideas and ideals, yet the result of any relationship can be completely new. What’s more, they can evolve into unthinkable complications, pretty much like these shapes and their mysterious psychological patterns.

The physically fixed-shaped heart has done its fair share of somersaults from films, music, to logic. Wh

en we take literature as well into account, we will find that its journey has been quite adventurous. The characters in books have been brought to life quite often with the awakening of love in their ongoing existence. From early on, this shape has gotten accustomed to the development of the plot, characters, and dialogues. Books bring with them elements of surprise and many times play with the readers’ emotions. A classic or contemporary literary piece of work has its romance. Different angles of this love have played their mystery games in quite many of them.

This Valentine as we think about the shapes and colors our hearts are ready to acquire, are we ready to dance on our own, or do we need our kings and queens to pop the champagne? Perhaps it’s time that we have the same love first for ourselves. With all due respect to our partners, there should not be any illusion as I am not trying to lessen the value of this day but am merely adding a corner of self-love to it! Just like any romantic film’s protagonist, we can very well play the part of characters having mutual affection. However, it is equally important to know that we do not crave a singular dimension. The endgame is perhaps the acknowledgment from ourselves that we matter. We unconsciously long for this confirmation from others rather than ourselves. This ever-trickling loss of self-worth keeps gaining momentum without a counterbalance. It latches itself onto our desires for freedom of thought and expression, self-love, mutual respect, unconditional devotion for our relationship with our surroundings. Instead, we can make it a day for loving ourselves too while respecting each other. Perhaps we may find the real shape of our heart that we can color to our heart’s desire!

Opinion Shack

Shapeshifters and their Body Paralysis

February 8, 2022November 15, 2022
by Sameera Khan Rehmani

As I woke up this morning, the weather was beautiful, things were simply calm, and everything almost looked perfect! We are celebrating the 70th anniversary of the Queen’s coronation. It’s holiday time and there is general happiness and celebration in the atmosphere! While doing my daily chores and ticking the brackets of everyday self-assigned responsibilities. My forty-year-old mushy self decided to watch a random Disney ‘Cinderella’, to make the day more perfect. As I was enjoying the happiness surrounding the film, a thought occurred in my mind. What if Cinderella was not beautiful or body perfect? What if she was overweight and body shamed for not being pretty enough? Would she have gotten her happily ever after? Is this the right parameter for people to cope with every day of our lives?

I realised at one point in my life I was not different. To be a part of the acceptance that I wanted to see in others’ eyes, I shamelessly followed all possible fads and unhealthy diets to reach a certain body weight and proportion. I bear the scars of that till this day. Despite losing an unhealthy amount of weight, it was never enough! I realised it never satisfied those whom I unintelligently wanted to satisfy. For them, I have shapeshifted too many times but the satisfaction of doing right is never there. Sometimes I was too fat, at other times too thin. I didn’t know what more to do to conform to the standards made ideal by my family, friends, and society in general!

Despite having my happily ever after, I still find myself struggling to keep my head afloat to survive all the weathers my body has faced over time. Many amongst us might be doing the same now that I think about it. The tension we bring in our lives due to pressures surrounding physicality gradually seems to be deepening in gravity. Even today there are days when I wake up and unconsciously see myself as a lost cause. When on one day my tummy seems to be more bloated than the previous day, the next day makes me realise my arms are too big. Then there is a double chin and thigh that is too thunderous! So, when people call me pretty, I smile in gratitude, but I see pity in their dialogue! This is not healthy and right.

I have come to accept that this is one bracket that almost every second person whom I have met in my life is trying to tick. I have friends who when eat do not even realise that they blurt unconsciously that they are trying to watch what they eat because they want to fit into a particular dress type. This is now becoming a random dinner-table conversation in so many households I have come across that it’s almost frightening at the acceptance of its normalcy. Almost every call that I make and every move I make, the physicality, attributes and its external confirmation have become so nauseating that I feel I almost need to shapeshift to come out of this society-induced body paralysis!

The fantasy that is associated with the name shapeshifter holds a different meaning, but the charisma remains similarly fascinating. Today is the day that I feel somehow is the right time to break this conscious silence on this intense topic that we try to run from but can’t hide. This is so close to hearing that for it becomes almost like a paranoia chasing me and people on the same wavelength. To discuss is almost like a sin to so many like us who face this body-shaming every day of our journey.

Despite so many open views and increasing discussions on body positivity, we see so much depression lurking around this process of the human body’s response to its surroundings physically. Every second person that I have met is constantly trying to project that it is the level of fitness that matters. But when I get interested in the aspect of building body strength and health, the dialogue rhetorically ends with how I need to look to feel stereotypically acceptable in society. What is most frightening is when my 9-year-old boy came up to me and asked if he was fat in a t-shirt he wore! I then realised that I need to draw a line at these words. The problem has invested across all ages and genders today and is seeping in further, in turn weakening the foundation of human comfort and confidence in self!

The stakes have become higher, and the margin of error seems to be diminishing despite seeing the supportive flags for self-acceptance all over social media. The pressures that we as individuals feel at an intimate level are by far the perfect example of pressure at the glocal level of our existence. As a mother when I meet my fellow mums over social dinners or school meets, I am amused that the conversation never ends or ends on the same note. There is a deep disappointment in the fact that there is another level of social pressure upon us to ‘not look like mums’ (whatever that may mean!) I am now at all judging those who are falling under this ideal bracket of body-perfect imagery. What I am worried about is those who fail to cross this line.

The mortals that perhaps cannot remain loyal to the shape are considered ideal for women. The question arises in my mind as to how to merge the two and create a smooth blend of the two. A point where we all can breathe the air of respect and acceptance with open arms. So when I talk to my friends whom I so dearly love and value, there is a constant voice at the back of my head that makes me nervous each time I think of coming in physical contact with them. Even though I have never felt any open judgement upon the way I appear, there is nagging thought constantly making me restless that I will never be able to reach their level of body acceptability. Is it the paranoia that I have reserved specifically for myself or are there many more like me trying to show their brave face and cringing at the thought of their potential ostracization?

How many princesses are there in the animation movies that are not slim and who have ideal body configurations and still manage to get their prince charming! We may teach our children to be independent, and accept our colour, ethnicity, race, or sexual orientation, however, there is equal importance and serious responsibility on our part to make them realise their confidence in their body shape and type. This shapeshifting should be a natural choice and not an induced requirement! Health and fitness aspect is a different story but the need to conform to the existing standards just for the sake of physical acceptance and social norms must be thought about in all its seriousness. You, I or they need to be comfortable in our skin and not hopping the wagon of body conformity at every given chance!

Opinion Shack

How do we Question Freedom?

February 7, 2022February 9, 2022
by Sameera Khan Rehmani

This morning as I sat on my workstation, my mind went straight into my thoughts. I was gazing out of my window far ahead than my vision could reach. I squinted my eyes at the reluctant sun peeping out of the stubborn clouds that have encroached the sky for the last couple of days. I glared at them unconsciously as if to threaten them to give the sun some respect and space, enough to come out fully. He needs to have his time as well. The sudden realization of my weird mental monologue made me chuckle out loud as I started to wonder what I should write about today. In the background, I could hear Pharrell Williams ‘Freedom’ loud and proud from my laptop. My fidgety fingers paused as I listened to the lyrics with lines. I guess I have found my topic for today. with a smile on my face, I listened to the rhythms and lyrics within.

‘…Who cares what they know

Your first name is free

Last name is Dom

cause you still believe where we are from.’

It dawned upon me what words to write us a song? My hands started picking on the keyboard and as if in a world of my own I started my journey of the day!

I remember the years when the subject of civics in my school became a matter of political science as I entered my college years. I was so fascinated with the term as if it gave me the power to be an adult. Today when I think about my fascination with the subject, I laugh out loud with ridicule for my ideas and ideals. I remember our family discussions about the political situation around the globe and at the time I felt so proud that I have claimed my right to speak from my subject knowledge. I could not understand at the time during heated arguments about freedom, and equality, when my father in his (un)usual patient voice used to make me understand, ‘you will understand the gravity of these words which you fight for when you grow up.’ And I used to look at him as if he was joking. In my mind, I almost ridiculed the logic. How much more would I need to grow up to understand, I used to wonder at that time. It is now that I realize, I am 40 and still, sometimes I get so confused with the twisted implications and meanings of the word in question.

What does freedom mean to you? Is it social, political, economic, religious-cultural equality to you or is there still more scope to it? What does feeling freedom as an individual mean to you? As a parent, as children, as human, as people belonging to all genders, or even as an individual or a group entity, what is your take on freedom? I know we use this term in one way or the other in our everyday conversations but how grave does its meaning sink for us, any suggestions? Because for my freedom, when I think about it, has travelled a long way that what I used to understand when I was in my younger years. Today when I read the word, I not only think it to be a concept of equality. I feel it to be more like the idea of mutual respect! The definition of freedom as ‘the power or right to act, speak or think as one wants or the state of not being imprisoned or enslaved’ has a small word missing that is respect. You may very well differ from me because it is your freedom but when I think of the word, I find ‘respect’ overshadowing the other synonyms.

This ability to behave to work without barrios may indeed be a core word meaning where everyone has the freedom to perform any activity without force in practical life. But to me, the addition of a sense of respect brings self-accountability towards life in general. It is the idea of respect that makes us realize that we don’t belong to anyone. We are individuals and each needs to respect the other to bring a wholistic sense of freedom. George Michael‘s freedom say the same,

‘…All we have to see

Is that I don’t belong to you

And you don’t belong to me.

When you listen to the accompanying lyrics you realize that it is the sense of respect that people need in their life to feel free. The music that we listen to, the lyrics that we sometimes believe in or relate ourselves with are all part of human emotions. Be it everyday existence, personal or professional relationships, or even Psychological freedom, the need for respect is integral. For you, as readers and for me as a writer I feel we both need this freedom so that we can realize the importance of our co-existence. You may be an individual, you may be a partner, an employer, parent, friend, acquaintance. I may be anyone, a child, any gender, employee, someone important or invisible, but the moment we come across this powerful word of freedom, there needs to be a conscious realization that respect should never be far behind. It should be a give and take of mutual value that we give from one to the other. Freedom is about political, social, economic, religious, gender equality about the choices we make as an entity. But the sense of mutual respect must be the core of this equality. What you feel and believe gives way to the amount of respect that you give to yourself and others in every small and big aspect.

As I am trying to wrap my head around the topic of today I looked up through my glasses. I can see the sun now fully coming out. It is as if it has found the courage to find its respect or perhaps the cloud has finally found its peace with it and gave it its due respect. I am smiling with a wide grin on my contended face. I may sound cliched but to me, at this moment it is the confirmation of my belief that we all can coexist without overpowering each other. We can respect each other to bring that sense of equality. With equality, there comes a sense of responsibility to respect in return. This mutual give and take rightfully justify the idea of real freedom! It is in a way freedom of equality to respect. It may be the same for you or maybe there is more…

Films

Little Bottle of our Demons

February 1, 2022February 1, 2022
by Sameera Khan Rehmani

While I was watching Alfred Hitchcock’s version of ‘Rebecca‘, this Saturday night, I recalled the novel by Daphne du Maurier that I read when I was 12. That was heavy writing for my 12-year-old mind and to this day I can’t seem to synthesize the number of emotions that I went through while reading it and long after it was over. It made my then novice state of thoughts twist and tumble in my sweet creative vision that had just started to imagine everything will get a happy ending. It made a young reader like me believe that romanticism is the justification for every wrong occurrence in life. Moving toward the movie, realised that my young mind was so deeply impressed with the thoughts implanted at the age that while watching the movie at 40 even could not start with my romantic inclination of the thriller. Even today I was justifying to myself that the wrong that happened in the movie (i.e. murder of ‘Rebecca by the hero Maxim) is superseded by the human and romantic side of the characters. My idea of a happy ending has not loosened in strength even today as I was snuggled under my blanket in the wintery night. Despite knowing the story, I was somehow praying myself hard to let the hero free and be with the young heroine in their happy ending. However, my rational 40-year-old was constantly opposing the idea. She was trying to tell that the protagonist has done something wrong and needs to be punished. The end is not somehow justified in that he goes free and leads a happy life with his new wife while having the murder of his first wife (however negative she may be) on his hands.

Let me rewind! Let us turn back the wheels and maybe you can all peek with me into what ‘Rebecca’ was all about. So, this 1938 novel was written with a young woman whose name is not known, in mind. The story starts with her being married to a rich widower (classically powerful, charming, and intimidating). The young woman however realises that he and his household, both are haunted by ‘Rebecca’, his first wife who died. The whole novel revolves around the young woman’s journey to compete with a ghost and the truth behind her death.

Besides the intrigue in the movie, my thoughts shift towards the concept of justification of our demons. While watching the movie I realised what if we as individuals are faced with situations where our integrity is compromised, however, the cause for which we take drastic measures is noble. Does it justify our actions? Do we consider the consequence to be justified and put in the bracket of good deeds? Does our action justify our means? It is a concept that must answer to human illusions. The movie like any other of Hitchcock’s captivating geniuses was a masterpiece. It created a haunting scenario throughout with its captivating suspense and gothic thrills but in no way is it a horror movie. The suspense and successful creation of a strange eerie atmosphere are commendable.

This eeriness continues to creep within me when I look back at the time when it was more of a romantic novel for my young self, and I am astonished to recall how could I not absorb the mystery of human actions and emotions. Perhaps my young mind could only fathom so much and for me, it was more of romance that was created and exaggerated by the chaotic feelings it left with me after I was done reading. When the hero of the film, ‘Maxim de Winter’ explained to young Mrs De Winter why he hated Rebecca so much by saying, “I was carried away by her, enchanted by her, as everyone was. And when I was married, I was told that I was the luckiest man in the world. She was so lovely, so accomplished, so amusing.” His quote resonated so well with my thoughts at 12 where I was carried away by the novel, enchanted by it! I was sure everyone who read it thought the same since everything about it was so “accomplished”! Lying on my thinking couch the idea seemed to be so trivial but back at the age of 12, to a girl with her heart in her eyes and her mind in chaos because of the weird notions of romantic justice, his actions more than justified his thoughts. Even today while watching the film after such a gap I feel restless that my rationality overpowers my emotions. My heart still wants to justify the end, but my practicality says otherwise.

https://www.pexels.com/photo/depressed-young-man-with-blurred-head-in-dark-room-3833370/ — *Photo Credit: pexels.com*

My question here is do our emotions have enough power to cloud our judgements? Does the idea of perfection manage to lure us out of our rationality? Should there be a divide between our sense of judgement and taking of particular action out of our emotional turmoil? Is it right to bottle our demons up or is there a great need to talk and discuss this bottle of demons that stay rolling in our minds? We talk about the forbidden but at the same time we shun the discussions regarding ‘who or what shall not be named’. It is revealing to see how the concept or the actions can be a part of the discussion and not the doer of those actions. We tend to attach so many emotions and relations with the perpetrator that many times the wrong that is done end up becoming a mere figment of imagination. It takes the shape of a fantasy that is only discussed as a fabled myth of the romantic illusion of human psychology. When you and me or more like us, feel only the superficial emotiveness running through our veins, we forget that there is a harsh reality behind the façade. The so-called physical beauty and soft emotions like love and romanticism take over the harsh rationality of our minds. We then bottle these demons and leave them dangling around our neck as a magical locket that when gets broken lets that demon out with full gusto but by that time it is too late for us to pick up the pieces and bring them that bottle back into the original shape.

Literature in Life

Mowgli of This Jungle Book

January 21, 2022January 21, 2022
by Sameera Khan Rehmani

While looking out of my French Window in the City of London, it occurred to me that the struggle to make it in life has become so intense that this part of my whole has engulfed me with a strength that cannot be easily captured in images. But then I turn around and realise. However, the view outside made me see nothing but buildings, roads, and people on roads going towards buildings again. It was a jungle for me and for anyone struggling to carve a road ahead. The concrete jungle is all but a reality now not only in its physicality but also in its emotional, mental, and existential occurrence. Rudyard Kipling’s ‘Jungle Book’ in 1894 has been an interesting piece of work for me. But it resonates deeper now when I am in my 40s and realise, I am free to interpret the title and characters according to my whims and fancies in my life’s reality. Now I understand that I am not the only one in this muddle. There are so many of you standing in this line with me. Sometimes you may not even be realising yourself, but I find myself in the same race with most of you. I may sound narcissist to many; it may sound false to quite a few but the truth is, the levels may differ, the intensity may vary, but the core remains the same. We are all searching for that piece of peace that seems to erode with the harsh winds of human fatigue and rationality. For me, and for most of us, the Jungle Book is a story that follows the journey of a wild child named Mowgli. A pack of wolves found him as a baby and was raised among them. However, he had his struggles to fit in and survive. The story follows how he was raised among wolves and survived through it all without any human connection. However, I am not here to find a perspective and take on white colonialism or characters representing the involved symbolism. What I want to concentrate on is my journey or anybody else’s as well, who is sailing in a similar boat. This life around all of us and outside our vision is a Story like Rudyard Kipling’s above mentioned Jungle Book, where like its main character, we too are that wild child, who is left alone to fare for his survival. In this life, we find our journey, our story, our jungle book!

Every morning when we wake up, you and I find ourselves in a forest of ambiguity. We try to clear our morning blur because for some it is just a puddle, for others, it is a marshy land. For few, it is a bridge to cross over, but for most, it is a journey across wonderland far and wide; crossing through deep rivers, dragging over deserts with their parched throats. All of us are in a desperate search of a mere glass of cold water to smoothen out our parched souls. As we grow in life, we move ahead on the paths that we have dug for ourselves and with age comes the understanding that in dreams begins our responsibilities! But the Mowgli in all of us is still that frightened little boy who is trying to make it every single day by keeping a brave face. Every day brings a new hurdle and by the end of each evening, he finds a solution to overcome that. He must survive because that is what he was made to learn. His pack taught him what needs to be done. But they have not held his hand and drilled in him how to reach the finish line. Just like Mowgli, all of us are afraid to cross over. The end of the tunnel is dark. None of us knows what dangers lie ahead. There may be many ‘Sher Khan(s)’ along the way, with accompanying conniving hyenas, to lure us to our tragic end. But if we will ponder more, we will never be able to take that leap of faith. There is always that hope that on the brighter side we may along the way, meet a couple of Bagheera(s). These will be our guides to bring us out of our troubles and may pull us by our neck to carry us safely across the barbed wires. The Baloo, Sher Khan, Kaa, King Louie and even the Hyenas inside each one of us need to agree with what the Mowgli said in Kipling’s story; ‘we be of one blood, ye and I’, The moment we realise that we come from one and shall go back to one, we might be able to cut through the thorns of this jungle safely. We can dream to roam free when our actions will speak louder than our words. A little push there, a subtle pull in several positive directions, is enough to emotionally gratify and physically satisfy our individual Mowgli(s) within.

The story of Rudyard Kipling may have a different focus while bringing Jungle Book to life; still, we as individuals can write our own stories. We may make errors along the way but if we are ready to be an editor for each other and proofread the written content in our lives, our Jungle Book will also have a happy ending. We are sure to gain the same freedom and respect that Mowgli felt in his craving to roam about freely, with a sense of belonging to the roots known to him. The concrete jungle outside our homes, visible through our windows is equal in enormity with the jungle within us. We need to get past our racial, religious, gender, social and economic differences to bridge the divide that is our own doing. The differences that we have created for our own and the gap that is wide enough for ourselves to stumble and fall in this never-ending pit. It needs to be pushed close with a consistent effort. We desperately need to recognise the entryway but even more, what is needed is to hold each other’s hands to take us through the dark forest to see that light at the exit. Our story – your and my Jungle book needs to reach its end as well. Our Mowgli(s) need to meet each other and live in this magnificent Jungle of our own making in harmony. We can bring out the Rudyard Kipling in each of us to write many more such wonderfully wild tales!

Films

Merging the Genders: Working Her Life in Films

January 12, 2022January 12, 2022
by Sameera Khan Rehmani

When we watch films of our choice, as consumers of that content, films lay their focus on our emotional gratification and gradual build-up of a lasting connection with the story, characters and the whole concept of filmmaking. So, when we see our kind in any role on screen, we automatically start resonating with them and the image they project. Though there has been a regular climb in the journey of representation of women and their role on screen, there is a lot left to be desired. From being underrepresented to becoming subordinate selves, they have travelled far and wide and have managed to reach a point where sometimes the whole film can revolve around their character. They have donned the role of independent career woman, with sparks of their own along with their already existing role of homemakers and supporters to male characters. Many times, they go as far as overpowering the male leads due to a well-rounded sketch of the character development.

If we focus upon the image projection of career women in film quite a few times we will see that the women at the top of striving to be a top need to imbibe the qualities of image conveniently projected by men. Be it a corporate character sketch or a media mogul or even a career striving assistant, we witness them be to give the idea to the audience those women need to forgo their sense of softness, emotions, and empathy to reach the top of the chain. They need to self-inculcate a sense of cut-throat competition to reach a set level of success. In a way, they need to become as many as possible to push their way upwards in man’s world. Their need to dress in a certain way that emits power and exclusivity is shown to be one of the key factors of their character development. They require to stay away from so-called feminine qualities since they make them seem weaker in their journey toward success.

But are these stereotypes crucial in role development? Does the audience need to identify with them? Would it help women in general and will they truly get emancipated? Is the identification of ‘self’ with the ‘other’ important or does building up of women characters close to the real-life need to increase in number? The transition of real to reel and vice versa need to be talked in seriousness because the message that these films impart perhaps unconsciously leave a lot of loopholes when the human population in general and women in particular start to believe the absolute necessity of being like the ones they see and identify themselves with on screen. While drawing a working woman character sketch we end up over masculinising them, we gradually lose the sensitive trail of the human race. We tend to forget and forgo the beliefs integral to humanitarian co-existence by painting everyone in one colour or by picking up one umbrella to save all from the outpour. In turn, we end up dehumanising the concept of success and power by common gendering the beautiful differences that make an individual unique.

The films may come and go, the characters may change with time, but what stays is the impression that is already made. The human mind is very strong, and a memory made in time stays back. The fluidity with which sometimes films dehumanise and degrade the qualities of love, affection, empathy, and sense of sympathy that is core to women and humanity, in general, is quite alarming to absorb. It leaves a big question mark about the intent towards the sense of women empowerment in society through media and technology. Are we creating stronger women or are we recreating the need for stereotypes that may have a feminine face but already existing and thriving personality of their male counterpart? A question that we as women need to ask ourselves and to those who create characters about our empowerment. Is there a need to merge genders unconsciously to show a working success of the female sex or do we desperately need to let it go with the flow…

Opinion Shack

Touch me not for I can Heal!

December 31, 2021
by Sameera Khan Rehmani

Humans are emotional and our response to these emotions, in turn, makes us a part of the race. The way we react to a simple comforting touch or harsh physical pull and push is just one way to show our immediate response to the sense of touch. This response comes as naturally to us as the breath that we take every day. We get these responses to our stimuli so often that we almost take them for granted. As individuals, we develop our thoughts and opinions based on our responses to those stimuli, be it physical, emotional, or psychological. Our everyday correspondence is the result of that tactile build-up. This synthesis arises when we experience our ideas along with each moment of our interaction with anything living or non-living.

How wide or close is the space between that stimulus and corresponding response, makes up our opinions and reactions in our behaviours. Similarly, if we consider our interaction with plants, they are unable to react to us physically as per their basic characteristics. However, plants like Mimosa Pudica in a way defy the norm and manage to surprise even the most sceptical of us! Its characteristic of shutting its leaves the moment we touch them is a reflex that makes us realize that nature provides us with elements of surprise now and then. We just need to come closer to enhance our knowledge.

Apart from its response to our touch, this plant even shows its capacity to open and close at sunrise and sunset, respectively. Since there is such a unique quality of Mimosa with its reactions to the ability of touch, usually it becomes a perfect specimen for experimenting upon for the memory repetitions of its habit of closing. There is a mimosa pudica in all of us. It may be visible or hidden as a trait, but each one of us responds to the stimuli that we come across in our lives. We experience life through a variety of touches that we experience in our daily living. Our vision may overshadow our thoughts, but the touch makes us more receptive to creating our perceptions, actions, reactions, and psychology. Apart from psychology, there is a deep philosophy that makes us who we are because of the sense of touch we develop throughout our lifespan. A simple touch, pressure, or an innocent poke has the power to depict our emotions and perceptions about our relationships and personality.

Our response to stimuli is so intense that one simple touch can develop our sense of trust and connection by reducing the stress hormones (cortisol). A kiss, a hug, those back rubs, an unconscious gentle physical contact for twenty minutes, is enough to release oxytocin. This is the confirmation that pushes medical science to heighten the usage of touch with the new life that is born. More physical proximity with young ones has proven to develop their cognitive, motor skills and decrease chances of violence and aggression in their behaviour. In a way, the touching becomes more therapeutic, almost like a healing power for the productive development of humans. The intensity of the impact of this sense of touch can be similarly observed in plants like ‘touch me not’.

We, humans, are sometimes so selective that just like despite Mimosa Pudica’s major healing abilities to be antibacterial, anti-venomous, antifertility, antidepressant, and others, what strikes us as a normal human being is its ability to shy away and take time off from being a subject of touch. The same goes with our interaction with other humans as well. Every kind of interaction has its relevance and importance but unconsciously what deepens our connection with any stranger is the body response, the way we react to their physical proximity is what makes or breaks our connection with them. One physical connection can change our perception and response. The subject we behaving as a mimosa can always be in the focus of discussions as part of human response.

Our memory and response to it are also quite like the memory that is unique to mimosa that connects with human memory and its compliance. Where the plant has its memory to realize whether it needs to close its leaves as a defence mechanism, humans also react to any new entry with a sceptical approach. We initially close our barriers to new things to prevent ourselves from any prospective harm. However, like a mimosa, the continuous touching of its leaves, sometimes reduces its effort to utilize its energy to close its leaves once it finds the touch to be the same. Similarly, we also react in likewise manner when we are sure of a person or a situation on whom with time, we build our trust. We too tend to open our arms and develop acceptability to the known trustworthy individuals and situations. Such an interesting observation!

Then there is the element of surprise that brings out its intense action of closing away its petals making one curious further. In a way being shy and reclusive is more attractive. It is as if the plant wants to say that we can term it as a paradox. Just like the plant, we also believe in the forbidden fruit. The more something becomes unattainable for us, the more we try to capture it. It is the mystery behind that lures us to dive deeper. When someone tries to get away from us, that triggers our brain to know why! We want to unfold the person’s mystery so that there can be a conclusion for our self-gratification. It is our need to reach our sense of peace that we either totally reject their existence or run after them to know more and satisfy our curiosity about them. We can reserve or reject the power the other person holds over us just like the plant.

This touch-me-not like those who are unattainable to us, have the power to become our craving to know more about them! When Edward Thorndike explained in his Stimulus Response Theory, he believed strongly that all that we learn in our lives is a result of the connection between the stimulus and the response. He in a way opens our mind to the idea about why we believe what we believe in and how we behave because of our beliefs.

Even though psychology may differ and point out that there are other factors apart from the response and its stimulus, but we cannot ignore them because how we react to things in our everyday life shows a strong reflection of these two in our behaviours and the reasons behind! The importance of stimuli just like in Mimosa Pudica is remarkably like human relationships to their reactions to a sense of touch. This may have become a controversial topic to discuss with time because of the development of various other factors, but our proximity to emotions and behavioural pattern relies heavily on how we as individuals respond to the other when in close physical proximity compared to our reactions when far away. Therefore, our sense of stimuli pulls our gears to react to others in a unique way, human or otherwise!

Opinion Shack

Where the Paths Meet – The Rationality of Human…

December 13, 2021December 13, 2021
by Sameera Khan Rehmani

Our sudden outbursts as individuals are more termed as gender-specific categories. Be it a wife, mother, daughter or any other living soul these sparks of expressions are termed as ‘burst of emotions.’ These emotional sparks may be gender-fluid, however, the point to focus is way beyond gender demarcation. The crux lies in the fight of all of us as individuals with passing on the trophy from emotionality to rationality! Who we are is of least importance because in this discussion what is more crucial is, demarcations between theory and practicality behind the behaviour! Have we proudly categorized humans as beings with the power of rationality? We have uplifted ourselves from the animal kingdom by putting a suffix ‘social.’ This social animal has the wisdom enough to reason and judge the aspects of his living so that we all can co-exist harmoniously. We use signs and symbols to make our choices upon our rationality and instincts.

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Our behaviour is the result of our mental understanding and psychological inclinations of these symbols that form our perceptions and views. We further try to alienate psychology from philosophy due to the latter being more qualitative in approach than the former. However, this attempt to separate self from the other seems to only result in the neglection of integral problems that rely on theories as well. The theory behind rationality focuses on the ideas of rational actors, the invisible hand, and self-interest. During the study of our emotions, humans assume these as part of our behaviour at different moments in time. The choices we make while sailing through psychology, economics as well as philosophy explains our actions through the Rational Choice Theory. Here each human makes his or her choices in life and uses the concept of self-interest to make beneficial decisions. They weigh the pros and cons and keep intact their rationality to produce the best possible decisions for themselves.

This versatility of the Theory of Rationality makes it possible, that we used it in a variety of contexts, qualitative as well as data-oriented fields. For instance, when we apply this theory to the Gaming industry, we will witness the extent of preciseness and objectivity that come in its application. Despite the flow of emotions during the actual play process, there is a deep involvement of mathematical patterns, even though the focus is upon interactions and reactions of individuals. Moreover, in such situations, this rationality becomes integral because of the outcome that is the result of the choices they make in comparison with the available options. Thus, the whole industry utilizes the rational aspect of the Theory of Rationality so that specific rules, can be set to bring out the desired results. Thus, games such as poker, bridge, and others, or a journey to the casino even though it brings out our hidden emotions while playing; have a one-track mind and rationality of keeping the ball in the court of the makers. At the time, the makers or owners have already decided our victory or loss way before we sit on the ‘hot seat’!

The other aspect of rationality is equally important. It is the emotional angle that relates strongly with the rationality of the human brain and reaps in psychological dynamics to its understanding. This emotionality confirms the correctness of human understanding of perceptions and their resultant evaluations. Even though we understand emotions traditionally to be a strong hurdle in the cognitive methods (Simon, 1967), Still they end up moving together towards mutual existence. We humans need to juggle forward and backward to explore the conflicting personalities of rationality and emotions as interlinked subjects. To study and comprehend the various connections, bodies, and levels of activity of the human mind, we need to struggle with their understanding to reach a level of reasonable understanding.

What we feel is how we react. The reaction may be conscious or unconscious but there is a hint of constant subconscious rationality involved in resultant emotions. The relation between our rationality and involved emotions involves philosophy, neuroscience, psychology along hidden logic and reasoning. In fact, there is a very visual relationship between both and the actions that occur due to their cause and effect are proof that our overall behaviour is an amalgamation of our conscience laced with emotions that erupt due to rationality present. Our frustration with our spouse’s or partner’s certain habit may have a rational reason behind it. However, our fear of darkness may not have a visible logic to us, but these are habits that form our behaviour because of the interlocking of emotions and rationality, and we cannot ignore one to give importance to the other. They are like twins that may not be identical in physicality but still have their interlinked behavioural traits!

Opinion Shack

Do we really need to ‘Man Up’- Feminism and…

December 6, 2021December 6, 2021
by Sameera Khan Rehmani

When I am feeling down or am at a low point in my emotional journey and I hear people tell me to ‘man up’, I frustratingly want to scream out that do I really need to? If I need to be successful or if I want to get what I need in life, do I really need to so-called, develop a spine, chin up and be a man? Do these cliched terms really hold weightage to be able to dive into a man’s world? I can still feel shifting of gears, winding of clock hands when I am sitting in a group and the word ‘feminist’ or concept of feminism arise! Out of nowhere there is a sense of scepticism when the conversation proceeds in that direction. I wonder why the word is made to be stayed aloof of. Why is it so that even after so much of social, developmental changes around, whenever we talk about feminism, the stereotypes start emerging? What exactly is feminism for us? What kind of people do we define as feminists? What kind of geographical boundaries do they define? What culture do they project and what identity do they have according to the rest? All these questions and many more have numerous answers and charge varied form of energies when talked upon. For many of us, the term till date is a topic to arise controversies and perhaps bake our own breads in the resulting heat. For others it a dangerous area where once one enters becomes vicious circle from where it is difficult to come out. Overall, a simple idea of mutual respect under the term has been converted into a topic of so many discussions and national and international chaos and controversies that the core has deviated over the period for most of the people venturing into the field. So, when someone call the other, feminist in today’s chaotic times, or when the other proclaim self to be a feminist, an unknown aura of distaste and sectionalising the person appears for the meaning of ‘feminism’ has been distorted for reasons known best to most of us. In fact, in present times, it becomes almost troublesome to explain or convers over the ideas of feminism without resulting in being judged as a person of prejudice or extreme negative feelings regarding people of any sexual orientation.

Where traditionally, the gender stereotypes used to explain men to be species of power, control, and masculinity, while women were the supporters, feminine, and carrier of femininity that shows their weakness and dependence for support from their male counterpart. With time these boundaries have softened to greater extent and women have made their existence shown and appreciated to a certain extent in the so called male dominant society. However, in doing so we may see them loosing to themselves only. They in a way win some but at the same time loose to self to a certain extent. Now I am not criticising any view, method, or context of feminism at hand because being a part of it I realise the difficulties face by each one of us at every small step. So, demeaning any method to gain equality in not my intent. However, I believe strongly in trying to make reach that invisible balance that may help our fight to gain equality and genuine respect for other sexes by normalising the term. There is a great need to generalise it for normal everyday life not to box or categorise feminism into any sort of elite theoretical idea if we need it to stay focussed and in focus of its initial aim.

One of the major reasons we end up being judged overusing the term feminist or feminism is because we tend to unconsciously masculinise the word and its essence. For instance, in order to be successful for a woman in “man’s world”, she has to be hard, objective border lining ruthlessness and not being emotional self. That is what we mostly see in media be it television, films, or views of all sexes in general. We associate the identity of feminists according to a particular physical appearance, psychological though process of being emotionless, mental capability of detaching with our core which is by nature soft, and caring. Often, we have been told or hinted that to break into the male dominant world or to be successful in life we as women need to in a way become them. And we readily, perhaps happily do so. But while doing the same we forget to realise that this is not the crux of feminism. The change of identity is not what we need to be a feminist. What we need is our acceptance as we are, with the package that we bring in to write our own success story and not to become some other successful being. We can wear whatever we like, look however we want, behave or feminine, emotional, empathetic self (without guilt), if we want and yet be flag-bearers of concept of feminism, loud and proud! We need not be a hardcore activist, although we need to respect those who are. Negative stereotypes that are built around those who radicalise the whole idea of feminism need to shatter with loud noise so that there is a clear picture for those who has up till now not realised the real reason and power of the word ‘feminism’. The gap between women or anyone who claim to be feminist and those who do not agree with the methods taken by the former need to lessen because the aim for all of us need to coincide and live harmoniously in co-existence with each other respectfully.

So, when we see a tough woman at a senior position in official capacity on or off-screen, we need not identify with it in real life to project our affirmation with feminism. We need to synthesize that this projection of a particular character in a certain behavioural capacity is just individualistic. We cannot generalise and normalise this generalization. We need to absorb the fact that losing our natural instincts or acquiring the characteristics that are not natural to use will not make us successful enough, strong enough or ‘man enough’. How about if we try to remember and believe that to be a feminist or a believer in feminism a woman does not really need to ‘man up’!

Opinion Shack

Princess and that Pea: Shift in Women Anxiety Post-Marriage

November 29, 2021November 29, 2021
by Sameera Khan Rehmani

When time changes and our clock seem to tick away, there is a constant change in the society and social acceptance as well. As women shift their focus on their social, economic, and individual well-being, each day bring a set of new experiences for them and for those who are directly or indirectly related to them. They start recognising and respecting their being, behaviour, level of motivation towards their professional as-well-as individual roles as serious contributors in social existence. Their sense of self-assertion increases with the increase in interaction with the regular changing surrounding environment. This is a major influencer in almost reversing the dynamics of woman as an individual entity. There have been various influencers, theorists, thinkers like Heidi I, Hartmann (1981), Louise Wattis and Liz James (2013) and personalities like Moen (1991) and others who have been advocating the importance of family in the success of women in their career decisions. However, there is another side that focus on deconstructing the strength of these women, their sexuality, work, and the aspect of reproduction as well. They focus on the various experiences that these women come across hindering their economic and educational growth manifolds. To have a keen sense of one’s identity is integral to any individual’s uniqueness, irrespective of genders. It is dominantly important for women since their level of social and economic suppression has become a continuous process with little exceptions here and there. The more we rise as individuals or as a united entity, the lonelier this journey seem to be. Whether we can break barriers or not, the sense of being someone special and separate from the common line of thought increases at a faster pace. The marital adjustments and the scale of resultant depression looks to be consistent among working and non-working married women. It is even prevalent even in the happiest among us because with the increase in our understanding of self, the level of dissatisfaction in relation with our changed identity increases manifold! The idea of being princess of male species in our lives at all levels have resulted in creating a severe pressure to maintain that unattainable goal in their eyes and for all the others that come with this package of marriage.

This morning when I woke up. I dragged myself off the bed that has been my comfort zone since I remember. The beds may change, the homes may turn into houses, the mattress can change their quality, but the space has always been my sanctity. A place where I run off to when I want it all to go away. A princess whose change of place bring a great discomfort for her own self as there is always a hidden pea somewhere underneath that ends up bruising her. But if we ponder further, we might find the stereotypical acceptance of a woman only after confirming to the already existing and flourishing standards set for them by the society. The acceptance may seem to be mutually dyadic as far as the family adjustments are concerned, however the spreadsheet has a different take over the kind of expectations from the new member in the family. The absolute quality of life and the success of family relations however end up at the footsteps of women in general and their capability and capacity to adjust. The resultant respect and acceptance with the inner circle of family thus becomes the hanging carrot at the end of the tunnel!

The sun may look brighter today. Unlike any other day, it appears warmer despite the winters. The warm walls of our home have managed to keep harsh wind at bay. It all seems calmer inside. Whether there is chilly wind outside or harsh season ahead, one cannot really feel the changes at large dur to the centrally maintained temperature. Still the peas are rolling restlessly to get under the mattress of my and your skin. Women can feel the desperation of their own as pulls the strings of calmness. They are continuously banging at door of patience to let them in. Should she be brave enough to let them try their hand at messing with our mind or should we play safe and just keep our doors locked. The queen and prince regardless of their gender stand together with their nose looking down upon us, new entrants to prove our obedience and compliance. The mould to be a certain way and to behave in a particular manner has already been made. Now all we must do is, fit in! It may sound so simple, but at what cost? When our mental stability and peace is at stake, are we ready to make these insane standards sane for our survival? This superficial attaining of an ideal quality of life to maintain our social, physical, and mental well-being end up being a dissatisfied gender unable to satisfy look of constant judgement in our so-called accepters’ eyes. The doubt become so transparent in our credibility that during our post-married life, we sometimes end up doubting our own self. Our obligatory justifications become crucial instruments in creating mountains out of molehills thus giving and rearing personal anxieties.

We do feel, at multiple points, this new family is fidgeting away to leave our side while trying to project their full support simultaneously. The reason for their want and need for our strict adherence to their protocols looks to be their need to protect their own image. The new family in a way seem to become like all those peas that are common throughout, ready to hurt intentionally or unintentionally. Moreover, the deliciousness of whole course of this conversation lies in the mere fact the peas subconsciously become the real culprit behind this whole fiasco. They become that upper crust which bend the princess in me and you to come down to their level and prove our innocence! The greasiness of the blame game is the amount that each one of us is ready to take in. This new family that we as females decide to join for life is that chaotic kingdom that keeps on stretching our limits to decide whether to accept us as part of their own is a good enough decision or not. In this whole journey of them blaming us to unable to do so and us trying to break free, we are forgetting our originality and strength hidden behind our visible delicateness.

We observe the influence of the spouse and his associated members irrespective of their genders. It builds up erratic behaviour and constant prevalence of increased level of anxiety in new female members of that family, be it as a wife, mother, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, or any other prospective relation. These depressive disorders that sometimes borderlines severe anxiety leading to potential insanity in female sex is very grave in seriousness and can even reach to a level of no return in certain severe cases. You and I seem to be of opinion that the fragility is our unique selling point. We show our weakness at the wrong time, and it becomes visible enough to be a bait for digging our own grave. When they question our credibility as nurturers, homemakers, and supporters repeatedly, even if our economic resilience is prevalent and so are the intentions. Our strength becomes our weakness, and we huddle up at the far end of the walls to save ourselves from our own decisions in the time of our identity crisis. We need to remember when it is time to pack our bags, the princess in you and me end up on our own. We have no one to fall back on except our own tired backs from the everyday burden of carrying our damaged selves. The same mattress at that time seem to hurt us at very smallest of bump.

We feel tired, our eyelids seem to have a will of their own. A peaceful and respectable sleep seems to be far away from us because when we decide to spend a part of our present and future with someone else, the trust that we put in our relationship mostly, is blind. When we need to stand up at our two tired but strong feet, we need to decide the meaning and relevance of mutual respect all around us. When men in general or our own gender push women towards their limits, since we are outsider to their comfort zone and need to fit in; what is most important is our trust in self-respect and our abilities. We must be ready all the time without fail to pick our fragments and sanity that is of utmost importance. To hell with her prince and sweet taste of his kingdom! What women must remember, is to be able to spread their wings everywhere without any fear of having them clipped. The throne and our happy conclusions do not matter because what is really needed, is survival of our identity as individuals. We need to be alert enough to mend the damage done so that we can rise from our own ashes. People including us must remember that, the moment we decide to leave our own comfort zone and respective castles and enter a new relationship, we have already given a (not-needed) proof of our credibility and mettle. By signing that contract with another individual, we have automatically gained the right to live , the way we want. This needs to handed over to us with full and equal relevance, acceptance, and respect. Hence we repeatedly need to remind ourselves and our own, the fragility that world identifies our appearance with, is merely an outer

covering that acts like the onion peel covering innumerable layers or are various identities. There hides a tough nail underneath, and no pea, prince, queen, king, or kingdom can break that! It is our castle; our mattress and it is up to us to decide our strength and decisions in using the same!