Chocolate Cream Soldier?

Bernard Shaw came into my life a little late. During my graduation, I fell in love with the character ‘Chocolate cream Soldier’. Unlike its character sketch, I found myself unconsciously resonating with the name and its hypothetical inferences. Today I am 40 years old and after half of my life has passed by me, I still consider myself as one. The other day I was dusting the moulds of my stagnant life by just browsing through my internet, suddenly I came across several well-known celebrities and other halves of my generation who have achieved what they have set their eyes upon. They were all back-to-back spreading awareness regarding their struggles to reach where they are, despite being people of colour. Suddenly, out of nowhere, it came to me that I have myself been a chocolate-cream soldier throughout. Moreover, many others like me have had their share of hardships. We just don’t have a voice strong enough to shout our fights with our own and others’ demons. “A Brown girl in the lane singing her tra-la-la…”. Without any pre-carved lane in front of me, here I am sitting in from of my laptop listening to some random Thai number because it just made me feel free after a long time…weird! But that is how I have been throughout. During the times when going was somewhat tough for me, a teenager who had lost trust in herself thought, the only way out was to write and write till she drops. The girl who had some serious dreams for her and her likes was a chocolate cream-soldier in her own right! She was fighting and thrashing people and relationships around her just to make anyone present understand and help her out. This soldier many times lost in the battle, but that chocolate cream in her smoothened the pain of survival. Perhaps she barely made it to a point where she could muster the courage to fall in the pit again.

The fight went on, this spice of chocolate-cream soldier reached a point where she was ready to decide her future and she took those decisions thinking that those were the best ones at the time. She was a soldier who had her dark sides and pitfalls to hide behind. She had her spark but perhaps the light was not strong enough or maybe the darkness around her was dampened yet still tried to help her ignite her fire. The flicker of spark got burdened by the enemy estate. The pressures were higher, the forces darker, the light seemed far away. She tried, oh believe me how she tried! As expected her soldier got quite injured along the way. Battered and bruised she took the only home that she felt was right for her. The chocolate-cream flavour in her was about to melt, at least that is what was she was told. Surprisingly, she found a wrapper that was itself crinkled. It smelled the spice and relished her bitterness. The wrapper was strong enough to envelop her into warm coldness that kept her sanctity intact. It was on the brink of self-destruction. Like two peas in a pot, they both breathed life into each other. They both fought with each other, for each other. Many times, the chocolate cream soldier thought she would melt away, but the wrapper tightened the grip. However distorted and ugly she felt, it reminded her of how essential she still was.

This chocolate cream-soldier still feels, she has not touched her goal. She is still not at peace. But her hint of zest is still alive. The spice is intact, she feels she can fight, and the fight is what she has been doing! It is in her veins, in her blood. It is what she wants and what she craves. She is still the fighter who has lots of fight left in her. For author Bernard Shaw, this character may be male, but the name, zest and spark of this nickname is strong enough to make this female version of Chocolate cream soldier survive to date. She, who is me would love to continue the fight and roll down all unpleasantness in the weed of attainment that I want from life. A word that is so cliched and perhaps has real standing in the eyes of many, since most of the time it comes with money, power and fame. The word that I every day die to attain in small columns of my cracked life is‘Respect’! At this point in life, this Chocolate cream soldier does not want love. I do not crave it because I still have my wrapper holding me tight, despite all my idiosyncrasies. I crave for the other part that has the power to break many of us. The respect that we all deserve, need, want and lust for. This chocolate cream soldier even today thanks Shaw for this unconscious gift of the nickname. Without this name that I associate myself with, I perhaps would not have been able to come out of my pit at a time when there was a grave need to be that soldier. It gave me the push, strength, self-respect, self-worth, and stubbornness to just move ahead each day at the moment. We are our soldiers, chocolate-cream ones!