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The Language we Speak: Creating Gender Divide Linguistically!

February 21, 2022February 22, 2022
by Sameera Khan Rehmani

The other day I passed over Taylor Swift’s interview with CBS Sunday Morning. Despite my differences in opinion, I somehow resonated with her take on the difference in gender vocabulary to quite an extent. I agree that this difference in gender vocabulary has slipped in our society by and large. Moreover, what is more, worrisome is our acceptance of it in general and as individuals. When she quotes that ‘there is a different vocabulary for men and women in the music industry, I agree to disagree with here due to the universality of the view in almost all available platforms. We are all sailing in similar boats, it is just that the ripples are felt more by some than the other due to the seats they are seated upon. While further explaining, she says, “A man does something, it is strategic. A woman does something, it is calculated.’ When she says that a man can act but a woman can only react, like any normal human I second the thought because this is how the demarcations are made subconsciously and eventually thrive in society.

I am not flagging feminism at this point. What I am trying to do is to understand, how come these terms became strong identifiable adjectives for creating a gender divide? Quite a few have been written about the language difference between men and women. However, there is still a considerable difference between the language difference used for their divide. Be it personal identification or professional scenario, the difference is obvious, yet we decide to ignore it consciously or unconsciously. Where men are described as analytical, athletic, dependable, competent, level-headed, practical. The women on the other hand are identified as selfish, passive, gossiping, vain, temperamental, indecisive, and so on. Seldom have we seen both qualities being transferred from one to another. On the rare occasion, we see one being identified with the other, it is in mere comparison individual identification with the quality of ‘the other!’ The words are not mere adjectives. They carry a very heavyweight impression as they can have serious implications thus, in turn, creating heavy repercussions at certain points in life. Such gender-specific language defines what and how we value a particular identity in a specific capacity. Sometimes we as recipients of the associated gender language tag, end up looking at ourselves in a different light due to the adjectives we are connected to. We in a way start exchanging or letting go of our innate and natural abilities and qualities to deliberately move away towards someplace which is not natural to our identity.

This language divide among genders becomes the reason behind the different treatment of them since there comes a hidden dominance that is due to the allocation of gender-specific terminologies. Professor Robin Tolmach Lakoff (1942) in her book ‘language and Woman’s place (1975), has made language and gender responsible for a topic of the hard tussle of thoughts in her subjects of linguistics and others. She to a certain extent used to confirm with the idea that there is a difference in language due to the existence of dominance theory since they have dominated both work and household areas, while women have been staying within their domestic boundaries. Because of this ever-spreading belief, most of us including women find it hard to have female leaders. We cannot digest the thought of women’s capacity to lead, speak firmly and decide objectively. If on certain occasions we find the courage and will to accept the feminine strength, then we associate the language of identification as the acquired or loaned male qualities that are rare traits to be found in women. Even in our objectivity to understand the gap of gender divide as per the language associated with them, we still suffer from our bias and subtle provocations of exclusion of a particular gender in its fight for equal survival. Language and discourse are processes that influence society, literature, and philosophy since language and its dimensions of dynamism enable humans to establish themselves as gendered subjects. The influence as such is conspicuous in society and plays the role of an agent or motive. Through employing a conventionalized association between the signifier and signified, individuals in human societies maintain and preserve solidarity in a unified system. Any instance of language use not only embodies but also reveals signs and phenomena that have already been enacted and experienced by individuals. Correspondingly, ‘language’ externalized in the form of socio-historically situated event or act is interconnected with ideology, rituals, identity, ideas, and values and is as such closely associated with the organization of society.

Language and discourse are concepts that influence society and its course of action. When this language becomes specified to genders in an individualistic manner, the worry of identification of individuals falls into chaos. Judith Butler in a way focuses upon neutralizing the difference between genders and their identity when she believes that gender is discursively made. If we pan the view, we can relate that language and discourse can unite and demarcate the consistency in treating genders. The way we speak about them individually is the way we identify them as separate entities. The concept of putting tags for them is suicidal for there is a gender fluidity in their usage all the time and one can be identified with the other under usual circumstances. There is a dire need to do away with gender language politics because now is the time when we ask such questions not just to read them as mere questions. What we need are clear answers regarding our perception of gender-specific language. When we add mere adjectives to specify the abilities and qualities of genders, we are subconsciously creating heavy walls between their co-existence and social respect. A penny dropped has the power to eventually raise the water level. But when the same water starts spilling over, the sight is not as pleasing as the ripples it created while dropping coins in its depth! So next time you see a soft cashmere or course jute, don’t start identifying the language term as a gender-specific adjective. A man can be termed beautiful and a woman as a strong individual. Remember, they are just qualities and not identifications!

Opinion Shack

Do we really need to ‘Man Up’- Feminism and…

December 6, 2021December 6, 2021
by Sameera Khan Rehmani

When I am feeling down or am at a low point in my emotional journey and I hear people tell me to ‘man up’, I frustratingly want to scream out that do I really need to? If I need to be successful or if I want to get what I need in life, do I really need to so-called, develop a spine, chin up and be a man? Do these cliched terms really hold weightage to be able to dive into a man’s world? I can still feel shifting of gears, winding of clock hands when I am sitting in a group and the word ‘feminist’ or concept of feminism arise! Out of nowhere there is a sense of scepticism when the conversation proceeds in that direction. I wonder why the word is made to be stayed aloof of. Why is it so that even after so much of social, developmental changes around, whenever we talk about feminism, the stereotypes start emerging? What exactly is feminism for us? What kind of people do we define as feminists? What kind of geographical boundaries do they define? What culture do they project and what identity do they have according to the rest? All these questions and many more have numerous answers and charge varied form of energies when talked upon. For many of us, the term till date is a topic to arise controversies and perhaps bake our own breads in the resulting heat. For others it a dangerous area where once one enters becomes vicious circle from where it is difficult to come out. Overall, a simple idea of mutual respect under the term has been converted into a topic of so many discussions and national and international chaos and controversies that the core has deviated over the period for most of the people venturing into the field. So, when someone call the other, feminist in today’s chaotic times, or when the other proclaim self to be a feminist, an unknown aura of distaste and sectionalising the person appears for the meaning of ‘feminism’ has been distorted for reasons known best to most of us. In fact, in present times, it becomes almost troublesome to explain or convers over the ideas of feminism without resulting in being judged as a person of prejudice or extreme negative feelings regarding people of any sexual orientation.

Where traditionally, the gender stereotypes used to explain men to be species of power, control, and masculinity, while women were the supporters, feminine, and carrier of femininity that shows their weakness and dependence for support from their male counterpart. With time these boundaries have softened to greater extent and women have made their existence shown and appreciated to a certain extent in the so called male dominant society. However, in doing so we may see them loosing to themselves only. They in a way win some but at the same time loose to self to a certain extent. Now I am not criticising any view, method, or context of feminism at hand because being a part of it I realise the difficulties face by each one of us at every small step. So, demeaning any method to gain equality in not my intent. However, I believe strongly in trying to make reach that invisible balance that may help our fight to gain equality and genuine respect for other sexes by normalising the term. There is a great need to generalise it for normal everyday life not to box or categorise feminism into any sort of elite theoretical idea if we need it to stay focussed and in focus of its initial aim.

One of the major reasons we end up being judged overusing the term feminist or feminism is because we tend to unconsciously masculinise the word and its essence. For instance, in order to be successful for a woman in “man’s world”, she has to be hard, objective border lining ruthlessness and not being emotional self. That is what we mostly see in media be it television, films, or views of all sexes in general. We associate the identity of feminists according to a particular physical appearance, psychological though process of being emotionless, mental capability of detaching with our core which is by nature soft, and caring. Often, we have been told or hinted that to break into the male dominant world or to be successful in life we as women need to in a way become them. And we readily, perhaps happily do so. But while doing the same we forget to realise that this is not the crux of feminism. The change of identity is not what we need to be a feminist. What we need is our acceptance as we are, with the package that we bring in to write our own success story and not to become some other successful being. We can wear whatever we like, look however we want, behave or feminine, emotional, empathetic self (without guilt), if we want and yet be flag-bearers of concept of feminism, loud and proud! We need not be a hardcore activist, although we need to respect those who are. Negative stereotypes that are built around those who radicalise the whole idea of feminism need to shatter with loud noise so that there is a clear picture for those who has up till now not realised the real reason and power of the word ‘feminism’. The gap between women or anyone who claim to be feminist and those who do not agree with the methods taken by the former need to lessen because the aim for all of us need to coincide and live harmoniously in co-existence with each other respectfully.

So, when we see a tough woman at a senior position in official capacity on or off-screen, we need not identify with it in real life to project our affirmation with feminism. We need to synthesize that this projection of a particular character in a certain behavioural capacity is just individualistic. We cannot generalise and normalise this generalization. We need to absorb the fact that losing our natural instincts or acquiring the characteristics that are not natural to use will not make us successful enough, strong enough or ‘man enough’. How about if we try to remember and believe that to be a feminist or a believer in feminism a woman does not really need to ‘man up’!

Opinion Shack

Princess and that Pea: Shift in Women Anxiety Post-Marriage

November 29, 2021November 29, 2021
by Sameera Khan Rehmani

When time changes and our clock seem to tick away, there is a constant change in the society and social acceptance as well. As women shift their focus on their social, economic, and individual well-being, each day bring a set of new experiences for them and for those who are directly or indirectly related to them. They start recognising and respecting their being, behaviour, level of motivation towards their professional as-well-as individual roles as serious contributors in social existence. Their sense of self-assertion increases with the increase in interaction with the regular changing surrounding environment. This is a major influencer in almost reversing the dynamics of woman as an individual entity. There have been various influencers, theorists, thinkers like Heidi I, Hartmann (1981), Louise Wattis and Liz James (2013) and personalities like Moen (1991) and others who have been advocating the importance of family in the success of women in their career decisions. However, there is another side that focus on deconstructing the strength of these women, their sexuality, work, and the aspect of reproduction as well. They focus on the various experiences that these women come across hindering their economic and educational growth manifolds. To have a keen sense of one’s identity is integral to any individual’s uniqueness, irrespective of genders. It is dominantly important for women since their level of social and economic suppression has become a continuous process with little exceptions here and there. The more we rise as individuals or as a united entity, the lonelier this journey seem to be. Whether we can break barriers or not, the sense of being someone special and separate from the common line of thought increases at a faster pace. The marital adjustments and the scale of resultant depression looks to be consistent among working and non-working married women. It is even prevalent even in the happiest among us because with the increase in our understanding of self, the level of dissatisfaction in relation with our changed identity increases manifold! The idea of being princess of male species in our lives at all levels have resulted in creating a severe pressure to maintain that unattainable goal in their eyes and for all the others that come with this package of marriage.

This morning when I woke up. I dragged myself off the bed that has been my comfort zone since I remember. The beds may change, the homes may turn into houses, the mattress can change their quality, but the space has always been my sanctity. A place where I run off to when I want it all to go away. A princess whose change of place bring a great discomfort for her own self as there is always a hidden pea somewhere underneath that ends up bruising her. But if we ponder further, we might find the stereotypical acceptance of a woman only after confirming to the already existing and flourishing standards set for them by the society. The acceptance may seem to be mutually dyadic as far as the family adjustments are concerned, however the spreadsheet has a different take over the kind of expectations from the new member in the family. The absolute quality of life and the success of family relations however end up at the footsteps of women in general and their capability and capacity to adjust. The resultant respect and acceptance with the inner circle of family thus becomes the hanging carrot at the end of the tunnel!

The sun may look brighter today. Unlike any other day, it appears warmer despite the winters. The warm walls of our home have managed to keep harsh wind at bay. It all seems calmer inside. Whether there is chilly wind outside or harsh season ahead, one cannot really feel the changes at large dur to the centrally maintained temperature. Still the peas are rolling restlessly to get under the mattress of my and your skin. Women can feel the desperation of their own as pulls the strings of calmness. They are continuously banging at door of patience to let them in. Should she be brave enough to let them try their hand at messing with our mind or should we play safe and just keep our doors locked. The queen and prince regardless of their gender stand together with their nose looking down upon us, new entrants to prove our obedience and compliance. The mould to be a certain way and to behave in a particular manner has already been made. Now all we must do is, fit in! It may sound so simple, but at what cost? When our mental stability and peace is at stake, are we ready to make these insane standards sane for our survival? This superficial attaining of an ideal quality of life to maintain our social, physical, and mental well-being end up being a dissatisfied gender unable to satisfy look of constant judgement in our so-called accepters’ eyes. The doubt become so transparent in our credibility that during our post-married life, we sometimes end up doubting our own self. Our obligatory justifications become crucial instruments in creating mountains out of molehills thus giving and rearing personal anxieties.

We do feel, at multiple points, this new family is fidgeting away to leave our side while trying to project their full support simultaneously. The reason for their want and need for our strict adherence to their protocols looks to be their need to protect their own image. The new family in a way seem to become like all those peas that are common throughout, ready to hurt intentionally or unintentionally. Moreover, the deliciousness of whole course of this conversation lies in the mere fact the peas subconsciously become the real culprit behind this whole fiasco. They become that upper crust which bend the princess in me and you to come down to their level and prove our innocence! The greasiness of the blame game is the amount that each one of us is ready to take in. This new family that we as females decide to join for life is that chaotic kingdom that keeps on stretching our limits to decide whether to accept us as part of their own is a good enough decision or not. In this whole journey of them blaming us to unable to do so and us trying to break free, we are forgetting our originality and strength hidden behind our visible delicateness.

We observe the influence of the spouse and his associated members irrespective of their genders. It builds up erratic behaviour and constant prevalence of increased level of anxiety in new female members of that family, be it as a wife, mother, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, or any other prospective relation. These depressive disorders that sometimes borderlines severe anxiety leading to potential insanity in female sex is very grave in seriousness and can even reach to a level of no return in certain severe cases. You and I seem to be of opinion that the fragility is our unique selling point. We show our weakness at the wrong time, and it becomes visible enough to be a bait for digging our own grave. When they question our credibility as nurturers, homemakers, and supporters repeatedly, even if our economic resilience is prevalent and so are the intentions. Our strength becomes our weakness, and we huddle up at the far end of the walls to save ourselves from our own decisions in the time of our identity crisis. We need to remember when it is time to pack our bags, the princess in you and me end up on our own. We have no one to fall back on except our own tired backs from the everyday burden of carrying our damaged selves. The same mattress at that time seem to hurt us at very smallest of bump.

We feel tired, our eyelids seem to have a will of their own. A peaceful and respectable sleep seems to be far away from us because when we decide to spend a part of our present and future with someone else, the trust that we put in our relationship mostly, is blind. When we need to stand up at our two tired but strong feet, we need to decide the meaning and relevance of mutual respect all around us. When men in general or our own gender push women towards their limits, since we are outsider to their comfort zone and need to fit in; what is most important is our trust in self-respect and our abilities. We must be ready all the time without fail to pick our fragments and sanity that is of utmost importance. To hell with her prince and sweet taste of his kingdom! What women must remember, is to be able to spread their wings everywhere without any fear of having them clipped. The throne and our happy conclusions do not matter because what is really needed, is survival of our identity as individuals. We need to be alert enough to mend the damage done so that we can rise from our own ashes. People including us must remember that, the moment we decide to leave our own comfort zone and respective castles and enter a new relationship, we have already given a (not-needed) proof of our credibility and mettle. By signing that contract with another individual, we have automatically gained the right to live , the way we want. This needs to handed over to us with full and equal relevance, acceptance, and respect. Hence we repeatedly need to remind ourselves and our own, the fragility that world identifies our appearance with, is merely an outer

covering that acts like the onion peel covering innumerable layers or are various identities. There hides a tough nail underneath, and no pea, prince, queen, king, or kingdom can break that! It is our castle; our mattress and it is up to us to decide our strength and decisions in using the same!

Poetry

Voice of Reason

November 27, 2021
by Sameera Khan Rehmani

Her voice is an answer to his gaze

Breaking free desires of gender within

Fluid flow of thoughts that arise

Demonstrating values of ideas within

Fighting unconscious crisis of masculinity

Gives boost to its monstrous femininity.

Thinkers make their own stories

Reading through ideas of theories

Testing examples that lay upfront

Evolving with influence of lost time

Fighting unconscious crisis of masculinity

Gives boost to its monstrous femininity.

Signals those regular signs to understand

Of loosing relevance of era on feminism

What impact do their use and abuse have

When branding is often made unthinkably

and Fighting unconscious crisis of masculinity

Gives boost to its monstrous femininity.

With regular revolutions for women

readers need to understand as well that

Work is groundbreaking part of books

lives its life full of deeper thoughts within

since fighting unconscious crisis of masculinity

Gives boost to its monstrous femininity

What we need is an wide open door

Giving way to distinctive approach

Where we do not just close our eyes

And curse existance of one over other

For fighting unconscious crisis of masculinity

Gives boost to its monstrous femininity.

Illusions of superficial beliefs

Come in way of wholistic growth

To speak for one and not fight other

We hope to demonstrate value to each

Since fighting unconscious crisis of masculinity

Gives boost to its monstrous femininity.

Films

Women and their Theories of Cinema

October 1, 2021
by Sameera Khan Rehmani

Feminist Film Theories go way back in the 1970s. Their emergence caused upheaval for the perception of films in the eyes of audience. Let us zero our interest on some of the path-pavers whose work brought about a revolutionised change in the mindset of many. They provoked and enticed people to study them, their, work and study the cinema in general as-well-as in particular. The thinkers like Laura Mulvey, Barbara Creed, Kaja Silverman, Teresa de Lauretis opened up new avenues to study films. They zeroed upon concepts that were of extreme importance for analysing a film keeping in mind the male gaze, queering desire, the monstrous feminine, the female voice, masculinity in crisis, technologies of gender. Since 1970s was the time when feminist film theory made great interesting findings in the film industry, the filmmaking was also deeply influenced by it. Though today it may seem that the effect has loosened its lustre, still its study is very important to know about the rise and fall of this empire and how fast is its currency in today’s cinema.

HERE, THERE, EVERYWHERE… HIS GAZE

Whenever we see a movie and when a woman comes on screen, According to Mulvey the is a creation of physical, psychological, emotional, hypothetical gaze that identifies male view. The way they dress, the way they talk, their body language, what they represent id in a way dictated by how men would want to perceive them. Even the women in audience try to identify themselves with the image created for them. That is their unconscious identification and agreeability wit how men want them to be consciously or unconsciously. The visual pleasure is quite dominant right from creation of character to its visual consumption on screen leading further to offscreen identification as well. This develops into scopophilia, a narcissism that viewers identifies with. This consumption is spread throughout the three looks in cinema, the look of camera of real world, the look of audience of the final result, film; and how the characters look at one another. Even if it is the narrative where a female is driving the film, it is in fact the ideals of how her visibility in real life should be, in a way the male perception of her consciously or unconsciously governs. Be it voyeurism or fetishism, the duality of feminism is visible at the top because it is almost always female spectators’ views are subconsciously dominated by male confirmation to the feminism that they give approval to so as to move forward in its level of acceptance by the audience at large. You may differ in the opinion or may come up with something more. However this base cannot be denied and river may flow ahead and may divide into diverse streams from here but its origin remains!

Opinion Shack

She is the Gaze!

September 30, 2021September 30, 2021
by Sameera Khan Rehmani

There have been so much written and theories hammered upon about the gaze, male gaze, female gaze and various angles attached. It may be another cookie in the jar however each bite counts as does the flavour! As have my comforting sip of lukewarm English breakfast tea at the Starbucks around the corner, I took my gaze towards my watch, It was almost afternoon! God know for how long I have been sitting around the window and gazing at the nullity! My specks are literally fogging with the mist in my eye and I start pomdering! My mind wandered at my own gaze and started a random comparizon beteen my gaze and that of others coming in. I suddenly realized that how fast our gaze roam about with a mind of its own. Ans we categorise it according to the mood and situation we are in. When a handsome guy sitting next to me with a cofee and laptop lookig dapper to the’D’, looks at me and smile, I unconsciously start basking in the glory of being the chosen one! After I look up from my work, the same seat is occupied with an man in his 60s having the similar coffee. However this time when he smiles at me and looks me up and down I cringe within and shuts myself behind the walls of my loose hair. the next 40 mins pass by as I continue on my writing journey. Now when I look towards my left, The seat has a beautiful young girl, dressed in her office-gear, ready to conquer the world! She happened to look on her left and perhaps she saw a middle-aged struggling writer trying to work her life out! Her gaze held so much of scorn the likes of me who might give her an unconscious impression of careless feminist trying to make it! I lowered my gaze and self-consciously shrivelled in my seat for I really have not made it like the likes of her! With my depressed soul and determination that has by now gone down the drain, I turned my attention to my laptop and started typing with an agression that has become my friend for current life! Sulking in my own distress, I unwillingly looked up and all i could see was those see-blue eyes with gold specks that were so that looked happy yet tired. They were curious yet conscious. I just loved them! I could not look away. A cry distracted me from my own chain of thoughts and I looked beside her. a beautiful baby girls was fighting for her attention. She gave a little embarrassed laugh and I smiled in comfort. Nothing was said but it was as if we both understood our struggles and each other’s in a way. I seeme to find a sudden solace in her look of sympathy for me. It was a sif she knew how I was feeling. With this realization I just jolted myself suddenly. I was amazed the wisdom her gaze showed. I looked her for a few more minutes before going back to my sudden actively running thoughts. I was energised again. Felt like writing more. her gaze comforted me, touched me, encouraged me calmed me, all in just 5 minutes of silent exchange. I kept on moving my fingers and words just kept on pouring. Ideas just kept on flowing. It was as if I was on a high! High on ger gaze! Suddenly i felt a light tap on my right shoulder. I froze and looked slowly in those sea-blue globes. She just wave me a goodbye, bent down and whispered those simple words with smile ” I understood because I understand”. At that moment I understood another aspect of Lacan’s gaze because form me at that moment she was the gaze and she left the gaze behind!