She is the Gaze!

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There have been so much written and theories hammered upon about the gaze, male gaze, female gaze and various angles attached. It may be another cookie in the jar however each bite counts as does the flavour! As have my comforting sip of lukewarm English breakfast tea at the Starbucks around the corner, I took my gaze towards my watch, It was almost afternoon! God know for how long I have been sitting around the window and gazing at the nullity! My specks are literally fogging with the mist in my eye and I start pomdering! My mind wandered at my own gaze and started a random comparizon beteen my gaze and that of others coming in. I suddenly realized that how fast our gaze roam about with a mind of its own. Ans we categorise it according to the mood and situation we are in. When a handsome guy sitting next to me with a cofee and laptop lookig dapper to the’D’, looks at me and smile, I unconsciously start basking in the glory of being the chosen one! After I look up from my work, the same seat is occupied with an man in his 60s having the similar coffee. However this time when he smiles at me and looks me up and down I cringe within and shuts myself behind the walls of my loose hair. the next 40 mins pass by as I continue on my writing journey. Now when I look towards my left, The seat has a beautiful young girl, dressed in her office-gear, ready to conquer the world! She happened to look on her left and perhaps she saw a middle-aged struggling writer trying to work her life out! Her gaze held so much of scorn the likes of me who might give her an unconscious impression of careless feminist trying to make it! I lowered my gaze and self-consciously shrivelled in my seat for I really have not made it like the likes of her! With my depressed soul and determination that has by now gone down the drain, I turned my attention to my laptop and started typing with an agression that has become my friend for current life! Sulking in my own distress, I unwillingly looked up and all i could see was those see-blue eyes with gold specks that were so that looked happy yet tired. They were curious yet conscious. I just loved them! I could not look away. A cry distracted me from my own chain of thoughts and I looked beside her. a beautiful baby girls was fighting for her attention. She gave a little embarrassed laugh and I smiled in comfort. Nothing was said but it was as if we both understood our struggles and each other’s in a way. I seeme to find a sudden solace in her look of sympathy for me. It was a sif she knew how I was feeling. With this realization I just jolted myself suddenly. I was amazed the wisdom her gaze showed. I looked her for a few more minutes before going back to my sudden actively running thoughts. I was energised again. Felt like writing more. her gaze comforted me, touched me, encouraged me calmed me, all in just 5 minutes of silent exchange. I kept on moving my fingers and words just kept on pouring. Ideas just kept on flowing. It was as if I was on a high! High on ger gaze! Suddenly i felt a light tap on my right shoulder. I froze and looked slowly in those sea-blue globes. She just wave me a goodbye, bent down and whispered those simple words with smile ” I understood because I understand”. At that moment I understood another aspect of Lacan’s gaze because form me at that moment she was the gaze and she left the gaze behind!