From Pregnancy to Childbirth and After: Are we Judging…

The extent of strength and wisdom for the choice of becoming a mother needs to be a self-healing process for a woman, rather than becoming a laugh out loud topic of coffee-table discussion about her capability to birth naturally or under a knife! The moment I became a mother to my now 8-year-old, I realised another facet of motherhood that I didn’t even comprehend at the time I decided to plunge myself into the choice. As gratifying as it is without a doubt to be a mother, I cannot deny the amount and extent of subtle and not-so-subtle flack I received personally and am continuing to receive, regarding my grip around motherhood! This makes me wonder are there any other or if I must say many others like me as well, or am I the chosen one? I certainly hope not! I still remember the journey through my 9 months. The pressure to be a mother at the right time took away a little bit of joy and spontaneity out of my decision to be one because many were politely guiding me that time was ticking. Then when I did decide to go ahead with my pregnancy in my own time, I realised how scared I was. The whole idea of childbirth despite going through the whole self-educating process and pre-natal classes, I was scared till my roots with the process of natural birth that is so natural for women according to most of us women! I couldn’t find a single support to confine into despite coming from a background of open communication in my family. My own thoughts and resevations regarding the initiation of any form of related discussion stopped me from opening up. Perhaps at the time I felt that no one would takeit seriously or may be I would be judged for my inhibitions. I now realises my post-partum depression phase started long before I gave birth to my adorable bundle of joy.

The point is, even though we may be liberal in our approach and educated in our outlook or independent in our mind, the feeling of being judged and the fear of doing wrong still stays strong for many of us. Since we are kept at a pedestal for being women of divinity for bring a a being to life, the responsibility becomes so intense that motherhood many times scare the living daylights out of us. It is so integral to make childbirth a normal and individualistic experience without any subconscious stigma out of the choice to bring out a life in this world. Instead of how, what need to be of greater importance should be the concept a giving life to a being rather then how the process should be. It should be as normal to go under the knife as a natural birth. For those who go for latter, congratulations! But for those who willingly or unwillingly go for former, it should just be as natural without a guilt trip in toe. At the end of the day, we are on the same side, right? We all are rare in our own way, bringing that tiny being in this world one way or the other. There are enough of others already ready to judge us for our every decision. We need not add ourselves in the queue to judge our own. Afterall we are chip of the same block!

Women need to reclaim their control over their bodies physically and mentally. They need to realise their power over their own physical and mental endurance pre and post birth, without being told by them or their own how and why. We do not need any sort of interference regarding the decisions we make regarding the body that his our own and to bring another life to forefront by anyone who claim to know us and our type better than our own. How we want to have a childbirth, how many we want to give birth to are decisions that should be made only by us and no one other then us has capacity to understand our body’s need and threshold. There is no space to fall ourselves into guilt regarding the choice of childbirth we make. Choosing one over the other does not make us weaker or stronger as a being. What make us weak or strong is our buckling under the pressure of outer being to choose a specific path for our very personal and special moment of growth and its acceptance. Our alienation from the pressures of pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood is of utmost importance because the decisions we make at those individual moments have the capacity to affect our whole personality and future as individuals, mothers, and as integral part of society!